We’ve all been stuck in a funk that feels impossible to shake off. And let’s be honest, sometimes we’re our own worst enemies when it comes to happiness. You know what I’m talking about—those little things we tell ourselves that seem harmless but actually keep us stuck in a rut. I’ve seen these thought patterns pop up again and again, both in my own life and in others, and they’re surprisingly common. So let’s dive into 17 things unhappy people often tell themselves, and why these thoughts might be the very thing keeping them from living their best life.
1. “Nothing Ever Works Out for Me.”
Oh boy, this is the granddaddy of all negative thoughts, isn’t it? You know that friend who always expects the worst? They spill coffee on their shirt and suddenly it’s “See? This always happens to me!” They completely forget about nailing that presentation last week or getting a compliment from their boss. It’s like they’re wearing doom-colored glasses that filter out anything good. The funny thing is when something positive does happen, they’ll brush it off as pure luck or a mistake. Talk about setting yourself up for failure, right?
2. “Everyone Else Has It Better Than Me.”
Let’s talk about this one—especially in the age of Instagram perfection. You’re sitting there in your PJs, scrolling through social media, looking at Lucy’s amazing vacation photos or Sam’s perfect family portraits, and thinking, “Wow, everyone’s living their best life except me.” But here’s the thing: nobody posts pictures of their 3 AM anxiety attacks or their fifth microwave dinner of the week. We’re comparing our messy behind-the-scenes footage to everyone else’s highlight reel. Pretty unfair when you think about it, isn’t it?
3. “I’m Too Old/Young to Change.”
Listen up, because this one’s a real creativity killer. You’re dreaming about learning guitar, starting a business, or going back to school, but that little voice pipes up: “Aren’t you a bit too old/young for that?” What a load of nonsense! I mean, Grandma Moses didn’t start painting until she was 76 and look what happened there. And on the flip side, you’ve got teenagers starting million-dollar companies. The truth is, there’s no cosmic rule book that says when you’re allowed to chase your dreams. Your timeline is your own, period.
4. “I’ll Be Happy When…”
Here’s a classic trap we’ve all fallen into: “I’ll be happy when I lose 20 pounds,” or “I’ll be happy when I get that promotion,” or “I’ll be happy when I find the perfect partner.” It’s like putting your happiness on layaway, isn’t it? The problem is, once you achieve that goal, you’ll probably just move the goalposts again. Life’s too short to keep pushing happiness into some imaginary future. Plus, want to know something weird? Often, when people achieve these goals, they realize they feel exactly the same as before.
5. “I Don’t Deserve Good Things.”
Now this one really breaks my heart, because it’s usually rooted in some pretty deep stuff from our past. Maybe someone told you weren’t good enough, or maybe you made some mistakes and now you’re basically putting yourself in permanent time-out. You might even sabotage good things when they come along because they don’t fit with this story you’ve told yourself. But here’s the deal: worthiness isn’t something you earn like frequent flyer miles. It’s your birthright, whether you believe it or not.
6. “It’s Just Who I Am.”
This is probably one of the sneakiest self-defeating thoughts out there. You catch yourself saying things like, “I’m just naturally anxious,” or “I’m not a morning person,” or “I’m always late—it’s just who I am.” But hang on a second—since when are we stuck being one way forever? Sure, we all have tendencies and patterns, but treating them like they’re carved in stone is like saying you can never learn, grow, or change. That’s pretty wild when you think about it, right? I mean, you’re not the same person you were five years ago, so why would you be stuck being exactly who you are now?
7. “They’ll All Find Out I’m a Fraud.”
Oh hello, imposter syndrome! You’re sitting there with your achievements, your skills, and your experience, but there’s this nagging feeling that you’re somehow faking it all. You’re convinced that any minute now, someone’s going to point at you and shout, “This person has no idea what they’re doing!” Sound familiar? The hilarious part is that even super-successful people feel this way sometimes. The truth is, most of us are figuring things out as we go along, and that’s totally normal.
8. “I Can’t Do It Without…”
Let’s be real about this one. You’re telling yourself you can’t be happy without a relationship, or you can’t start a business without more money, or you can’t get fit without a fancy gym membership. It’s like creating a whole list of prerequisites for living your life. The funny thing is, there are people out there doing exactly what you want to do with way less than what you have right now. Sometimes these “I can’t” statements are just fancy excuses wearing a convincing disguise.
9. “My Life Should Look Different By Now.”
Here’s another joy-killer: comparing your life to some imaginary timeline you created based on… what exactly? Society’s expectations? Your parents’ dreams? That plan you made when you were 15? You’re beating yourself up because you’re not married with 2.5 kids and a white picket fence by 30, or because you haven’t found your “passion” yet. But who made these rules anyway? Life isn’t a race, and there’s no cosmic scorecard keeping track of whether you’re “on schedule.”
10. “If Only They Would Change…”
This is a favorite among folks stuck in unhappiness—pinning their joy on someone else’s transformation. “If only my partner were more romantic,” or “If only my boss appreciated me more,” or “If only my parents understood me better.” Here’s the kicker: you’re basically putting the remote control to your happiness in someone else’s hands, and then getting frustrated when they don’t press the right buttons. How’s that working out so far?
11. “I’ve Already Failed Too Many Times.”
Well, isn’t this a fun one? You’ve got this mental scorecard of all your past failures, and you’re using it as evidence that you shouldn’t try anything new. Each past mistake feels like a neon sign flashing “GIVE UP NOW.” But let me ask you something—have you ever learned to ride a bike without falling a few times? Thomas Edison failed thousands of times before getting the light bulb right, and he just called them all “learning experiences.” Maybe failure isn’t the enemy we think it is.
12. “Good Things Never Last.”
This is like being afraid to enjoy the sunshine because you know it’s going to rain eventually. You get something good in your life—a new job, a great relationship, a personal achievement—and instead of celebrating, you’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop. You might even sabotage good things because you’re so convinced they’re temporary. But here’s the thing: even if good things don’t last forever (spoiler alert: nothing does), does that really mean they’re not worth enjoying while they’re here?
13. “Other People Would Judge Me.”
Let’s talk about this invisible audience we’ve created in our heads. You want to try something new, wear something different, or make a bold life choice, but you’re paralyzed by what “people might think.” The ironic part? Most people are too busy worrying about their own lives to spend time judging yours. And those who do judge? They’re probably just projecting their own fears and insecurities. Since when did these phantom critics get to have so much power over your life?
14. “What’s the Point?”
This is depression’s greatest hit, isn’t it? You’ve convinced yourself that nothing really matters, so why bother trying? It’s like wearing sunglasses indoors—everything looks darker than it really is. The tricky part about this thought is that it masquerades as deep philosophical insight when really it’s just another way of avoiding engagement with life. Maybe the point is whatever you decide it is—novel concept, right?
15. “I’m Not Ready Yet.”
Ah, the perpetual preparation phase. You’ll start that project when you’ve done more research. You’ll pursue that dream when you have more experience. You’ll take that chance when you feel more confident. But let’s get real for a second—when exactly is “ready”? It’s like waiting to get in shape before going to the gym.
16. “It’s Too Late Now.”
This close cousin to “I’m too old” deserves its own mention because it’s especially sneaky. You’ve convinced yourself the boat has sailed, the train has left the station, and all those other transportation metaphors for missed opportunities. But who exactly is keeping this cosmic deadline calendar? Last time I checked, there wasn’t an expiration date on dreams. Unless you’re trying to become a child prodigy, it’s probably not too late.
17. “This Is Just How Life Is.”
And finally, the grand finale of self-defeating thoughts. You’ve accepted your unhappiness as some sort of unchangeable natural law, like gravity or the fact that cats knock things off tables. But here’s the plot twist: life is pretty much what we make of it. Sure, we can’t control everything, but we have way more power over our experience than we give ourselves credit for. Maybe it’s time to stop accepting misery as your default setting.