10 Things You Learn From Dating A Guy Who Won’t Commit

If you’ve been heartbroken by the guy who “isn’t looking for something serious right now“, here are a few ways to remember that while the experience was pretty crappy overall, there were some positive points about the whole ordeal that you can remember the next time a guy decides to be noncommittal.

  1. His non-commitment was the reason why he was so intriguing. If you weren’t 100% on the terms of your relationship, you stuck with it based on the sense of mystery, and perhaps the feeling that you’d eventually change his views. Did he have a bad breakup in the past? Does he have a cloudy view of relationships due to women who weren’t you? You didn’t know, but you wanted to find out.
  2. You’re too good to constantly be paranoid about other women. You like the idea of titles, since at least with titles, his mystery actions would have a term — most likely “cheating.” But after spending your third Friday night in a row wondering whether or not he’d call you or return your texts, you realized that you hate being the jealous type.
  3. A guy who won’t commit doesn’t want to be included in your life plans. If you’ve been casually dating someone for some time, you might accidentally factor him in to your big decisions. Hopefully you’ve realized that without a title, you’re free to go wherever you want without his consent or approval. He’s not going to get down on one knee and change your life.
  4. The guy is more afraid of being hurt than he wants you to believe. When he’s against the idea of taking a relationship further, he’s quite possibly trying to take away the pain of a possible breakup. If you’ve casually dated for awhile, it’s more socially acceptable to ghost, and if he thinks you’ll end up ghosting him, he can hide any pain around the fact that he was never truly emotionally invested.
  5. He has way more baggage than he’ll tell you about. According to psychological research, human beings a pretty much born with a “need to belong.” Thus, there’s a reason why he’s too afraid to get too close from the get-go. Either he’s been burned too much in the past, or perhaps his own parents had a less-than-thrilling relationship that tainted his views of having a committed bond.
  6. No matter what he tells you, he sees himself as a womanizer. After all, he caught your eye, right? He likes the idea of attention, and knows that being in a committed relationship might mean that his flirty nature needs to be tamed. It’s possible that he doesn’t seem himself as a one-woman man, nor does he think he should be forced to settle down and possibly miss some key social opportunities.
  7. You’ll never be meeting his family. In fact, you might not hear anything about his family, ever. He could have been raised by wolves for all you know. If you’re a girl who isn’t totally family-oriented, this might be fine. But if you’re a girl who loves gathering together with her relatives during the holidays, you’ve learned that you’ll never be invited to his Thanksgiving, and he’ll be pretty reluctant to come to yours.
  8. You’ll learn how important terms are. Flashback to Gilmore Girls, when Rory first started dating Logan. She thought she’d be cool with “keeping it casual” with him, but later felt burned the second she saw these terms come to play. When relationships are concerned, there’s really no leeway. You can’t keep it casual and then get mad after hearing rumors that he was out with another girl. From here on out, you’ll be honest about what you truly want in a relationship, all thanks to this guy.
  9. No matter what, you’ll never be able to completely trust this kind of guy.  He could easily be the nicest dude in the entire world, but if you mix casual dating with emotions, things are bound to get complicated. He might have permission to date around, but feel super bad being honest with you about it. The second you ask who’s calling him during your Netflix and chill session, he might possibly fudge names (and genders) to avoid ending your hookup awkwardly.
  10. The guy who won’t commit shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself. And if it does, you should end it immediately and find someone willing to commit to you. It takes awhile to realize that it’s really nothing you did wrong, but the way he prefers to handle his social relationships. That said, it’s hard not to micromanage every detail of your hangout, and wonder why he won’t ask you to be his girlfriend already. Dating someone casually can truly wreak havoc on your self esteem, even if you’re also juggling a few guys at once.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.