Things You Should Never Ever Say To A Narcissist During An Argument

Things You Should Never Ever Say To A Narcissist During An Argument

Arguing with a narcissist is like trying to have a rational discussion with a tornado—no matter what you say, they’ll find a way to twist it back on you. They thrive on manipulation, gaslighting, and making sure they come out on top, even if it means completely rewriting reality. If you find yourself locked in an argument with one, here are the absolute worst things you could say—because they’ll only make the situation worse.

1. “You’re Just As Bad As [Insert Name Here]”

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Comparing a narcissist to someone else—especially another narcissist—is a guaranteed way to send them into full meltdown mode. Nothing bruises their ego faster than the idea that they’re not unique, special, or superior. The moment you make a comparison, they’ll shift the argument away from whatever you were actually discussing and turn it into a full-on debate about why they’re nothing like the person you mentioned. According to HelpGuide.org, narcissists are extremely resistant to changing their behavior and tend to turn the blame onto others, reacting badly to even the slightest criticisms.

Instead of taking a moment to reflect on their behavior, they’ll double down, reminding you of all the ways they’re “better” than whoever you just named. And just like that, you’re no longer discussing the actual issue at hand. They’ll also take it as a personal attack and will likely retaliate with every insult they can think of, leaving you stuck in a pointless back-and-forth where nothing ever gets resolved.

2. “You’re A Liar, And Everyone Knows It”

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Narcissists lie effortlessly, often believing their own delusions, but outright calling them a liar will only make them more defensive. They don’t just tell lies—they create entire narratives that serve their best interests. If you call them out, they won’t reflect on their dishonesty; they’ll simply gaslight you into questioning your own memory. According to Mayo Clinic, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism and may react with rage or contempt, trying to belittle others to appear superior.

Instead of admitting they’ve twisted the truth, they’ll lash out, accusing you of overreacting, misunderstanding them, or even being the dishonest one in the situation. They’ll demand proof, twist your words, and play the victim until you’re the one questioning reality. Trying to “catch” them in a lie only feeds into their manipulation tactics, leaving you more frustrated than before.

3. “This Conversation Isn’t About You For Once”

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To a narcissist, every conversation is about them—whether it started that way or not. The moment you point out their self-centeredness, they’ll either feign shock and offense or turn the argument into a pity party about how misunderstood they are. Instead of staying on topic, you’ll suddenly find yourself in an exhausting debate about how “you never appreciate them” or “you always make them feel bad.” Duke Health highlights that narcissists have a sense of self-importance and must be admired, often making it challenging to have conversations that aren’t centered around them.

Calling them out directly only fuels their need to prove you wrong, which means they’ll work even harder to dominate the conversation. They might even twist things around to make it seem like you’re the narcissist for not “valuing” their perspective. In their world, they’re always the main character, and any attempt to change that will only escalate the argument.

4. “You’re Not Even Listening To What I’m Saying”

Narcissists don’t listen to understand—they listen to respond. The moment you point out their lack of attention, they’ll either deny it completely or turn it back on you, insisting that you’re the one who’s not listening. They might even start repeating your words back to you in a mocking tone, just to prove that they “heard” you. According to Psychiatry.org, people with narcissistic personality disorder often have relationship difficulties due to self-preoccupation, need for admiration, and insensitivity to others.

Rather than admitting they’ve tuned you out, they’ll claim that you’re overreacting, being dramatic, or expecting too much. They’ll deflect, change the subject, or derail the conversation entirely to regain control. The more frustrated you get, the more they’ll act like you’re the unreasonable one, making it impossible to get through to them.

5. “Have You Considered This Might Actually Be Your Fault?”

Narcissists do not take responsibility—ever. Suggesting that they might be at fault for something is the quickest way to trigger an ego-driven tantrum. They’ll twist reality, rewrite history, and bring up things from ten years ago just to prove that whatever happened isn’t their fault. Accountability is their kryptonite.

Instead of even entertaining the possibility that they’re wrong, they’ll launch into an attack about why you’re the real problem. They’ll blame circumstances, other people, and especially you. In their world, they are always the victim, and no amount of reasoning will convince them otherwise.

6. “Do You Ever Get Tired Of Being A Bully?”

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Call a narcissist a bully, and watch how quickly they start playing the victim. Even though they thrive on manipulation, control, and making others feel small, the second you point it out, they’ll act like you’re the cruel one. They’ll twist it into an accusation that you’re “overreacting” or “misinterpreting” their words.

They might even try to gaslight you into thinking that you’re the one being aggressive for daring to call them out. Instead of reflecting on their behavior, they’ll accuse you of being overly sensitive, turning the conversation into an exhausting battle about how they’re “just misunderstood.” In their mind, they’re never the bully—only the misunderstood genius who’s constantly surrounded by people who can’t handle their “honesty.”

7. “Stop Playing The Victim Every Time This Happens”

Narcissists love playing the victim when it benefits them. If you call them out on it, they won’t suddenly become self-aware and change their behavior—they’ll double down. They’ll dredge up every moment in history where they felt “wronged” by you, making sure to paint themselves as the innocent party.

Instead of addressing the issue at hand, they’ll flip the script, making you the villain in their story. They’ll exaggerate, distort, and emotionally manipulate until you’re the one feeling guilty. No matter how much evidence you have of their behavior, they’ll find a way to rewrite the narrative where they come out on top.

8. “This Isn’t A Competition, So Stop Acting Like It”

To a narcissist, everything is a competition, even if no one else sees it that way. They don’t just want to be right—they need to win. If you tell them to stop treating arguments like a battle, they’ll act like you’re the one trying to take them down.

Instead of de-escalating, they’ll become more defensive, more aggressive, and even more determined to prove that they’re superior. They’ll shift the conversation into a full-blown showdown, making sure you walk away feeling exhausted while they bask in the illusion of victory.

9. “You Need To Let It Go And Move On Already”

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Narcissists hold grudges like their life depends on it. If you tell them to move on, they’ll take it as a challenge to bring up every minor offense they’ve ever endured. They’ll recount past arguments in excruciating detail, twisting the narrative to make themselves the wronged party.

Instead of letting go, they’ll become even more determined to prove their point. The argument won’t just continue—it will expand into an even bigger, more dramatic ordeal that leaves you wondering why you ever engaged in the first place.

10. “Not Everything Has To Be About You”

Saying this to a narcissist is like setting off a bomb in the middle of an argument. Deep down, they already suspect that the world doesn’t revolve around them, but acknowledging it out loud? That’s unacceptable. The moment you say it, they’ll immediately find a way to spin the conversation so that, once again, they become the center of attention. Even if you were trying to make a rational point, they’ll twist it into an attack on their character.

Instead of considering that maybe they do have a habit of making everything about themselves, they’ll accuse you of being selfish, dismissive, or even jealous of them. They might launch into a lengthy rant about how no one ever appreciates them, how they’re always the one making sacrifices, or how they “just care too much.” By the time they’re done, you’ll be apologizing to them for simply pointing out what was obvious from the start.

11. “Stop Being So Jealous Of Everyone Around You”

Narcissists may act like they’re superior to everyone, but underneath that grandiosity is a deep well of insecurity. They compare themselves to others constantly, and they hate when someone else is more successful, more admired, or more talented than they are. Calling them out on their jealousy, however, won’t make them reconsider their behavior—it will just make them lash out harder.

Instead of admitting that their constant need to one-up people comes from their own feelings of inadequacy, they’ll deny, deflect, and attack. They might accuse you of being the jealous one, twisting the narrative so that you look petty for even bringing it up. They’ll dig up past moments when you “didn’t support” them or “tried to bring them down,” making the argument about your supposed flaws rather than their own. At the end of it, they’ll have convinced themselves that they’re not jealous at all—you’re just out to make them feel bad.

12. “You Only Ever Think About Yourself, And It Shows”

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Few things infuriate a narcissist more than being confronted with their own selfishness. They like to believe that they’re the main character in every scenario, but they also want to maintain the illusion that they’re generous, kind, and giving—when, in reality, they only do things that benefit them in some way. If you point out how self-absorbed they are, they won’t reflect on it—they’ll immediately try to convince you (and themselves) that they’re the most misunderstood, selfless person in the world.

They’ll likely bombard you with examples of times they supposedly put others first, conveniently forgetting the countless moments they steamrolled over people’s feelings to get their way. If you try to argue that true generosity isn’t about keeping score, they’ll accuse you of being ungrateful, turning the entire conversation into a self-congratulatory monologue about how much they’ve done for you. By the time they’re finished, they’ll have twisted the entire argument until you’re the one feeling guilty, not them.

13. “You’re Acting Exactly Like A Narcissist Right Now”

Ironically, the worst thing you can say to a narcissist is to call them a narcissist. While they thrive on control and manipulation, they don’t want to be exposed for it. The moment you label their behavior for what it is, they’ll go into full-blown denial mode. They’ll accuse you of being manipulative, of gaslighting them, or of projecting your own flaws onto them. They might even turn to fake self-reflection, saying things like, “Wow, I guess I’m just the worst person ever then,” in an attempt to make you feel bad for even bringing it up.

The reality is, they know deep down that they have narcissistic traits—they just don’t want to admit it. Instead of engaging with your argument, they’ll derail it, playing the victim or turning the conversation into a performance about how they’re being “attacked.” You won’t get anywhere with this statement except deeper into their web of defensiveness, making you even more frustrated in the process.

14. “You’re Exhausting, And Not In An Interesting Way.”

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Narcissists love being the center of attention, even when that attention is negative. If you tell them they’re exhausting, they’ll take it as a personal attack and immediately turn the argument into a pity party. They might accuse you of not appreciating them, of being “too sensitive,” or even of “always looking for something to complain about.” But deep down, this one cuts them—because even they know they’re exhausting.

However, instead of self-reflection, they’ll use this moment to draw you further into their chaos. They’ll suddenly shift gears and act wounded, trying to manipulate you into feeling bad for making them feel “unwanted.” They might even sulk dramatically, hoping you’ll chase after them with apologies. The truth is, they don’t want to be seen as an energy drain—they want to be seen as captivating. Pointing out that they’re just plain exhausting without the charm will shake them, but it won’t change them.

15. “You’re Way Too Fragile For Someone Who Claims To Be Superior.”

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Narcissists build their entire identity around the idea that they’re better than everyone else. They act like they’re above criticism, emotionally untouchable, and always in control. But the reality is, their entire sense of self is paper-thin. The smallest bit of criticism sends them spiraling, and nothing triggers them more than being called fragile.

Instead of admitting that they can’t handle criticism, they’ll launch into a defensive tirade about how they’re actually incredibly strong, misunderstood, or “just passionate.” They’ll bring up all the times they had to “prove people wrong” or how “no one ever gives them enough credit.” They might even try to flip it and say you’re the fragile one, twisting the conversation into something completely different. The irony? The more defensive they get, the more they prove your point.

Georgia is a passionate story-teller and accomplished lifestyle journalist originally from Australia, now based in New York City. She writes lifestyle content for Bolde Media, publishers of Bolde, Star Candy and Earth Animals.