Have you ever said something during an intimate moment that caused everything to go wrong? Words hold immense power, especially in the bedroom. Here are some phrases that can kill the mood faster than anything, and why they’re best left unsaid.
1. “Is it in yet?”
If you have to ask, the answer is probably no. This question will make your partner feel inadequate and embarrassed. If you’re not feeling much, guide them gently instead of bruising their ego.
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2. “My ex used to…”
Comparing your partner to anyone else in the bedroom is a big no-no. The past stays in the past for a reason. Focus on the present moment, and appreciate the unique connection you have with the person you’re with now. Let go of comparisons and make this experience about the two of you.
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3. “Is this okay?”
Consent is super important, Cleveland Clinic notes, but breaking the flow every few minutes for a progress report gets old fast. Enthusiastic non-verbal communication works better. Pay attention to body language and subtle cues; true enthusiasm is unmistakable. If you have to ask, chances are it might need a little adjustment.
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4. “Hurry up, I’m tired.”
The least intimate sentence ever. If you’re too tired, maybe cuddle instead and save the fun for when you have more energy. Rushing things will likely leave both of you feeling unsatisfied. Sometimes the best way to spice things up is to simply wait for a time you’re both genuinely in the mood.
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5. “It’s so big/small!”
Even if well-intentioned, body comments in the heat of the moment can cause major insecurities to surface and ruin things for everyone involved. Focus on pleasure rather than size. Remember that bodies are all different and beautiful in their own unique ways. Appreciation encourages a much more positive and intimate atmosphere.
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6. “You smell…”
Unless it’s “you smell amazing,” keep this to yourself. Shower first, or address it gently sometime outside of intimate time. Harsh criticism kills the mood far quicker than a less-than-fresh scent. A quick “Hey, want to freshen up together?” can be a lot gentler if the situation needs addressing.
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7. “So, what should we order for dinner?”
Practical conversations are for later. Stay present in the moment. Takeout can wait. Allow yourself to truly be absorbed in the experience without distractions. Remember, good food can wait, great intimacy might not!
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8. “Remember that funny story I told you?”
Story time is also for later. Unless it’s a really short and very spicy story… Even then, the best anecdotes are usually spontaneous, not pre-rehearsed. Let the natural flow of the moment lead the conversation …or lack thereof!
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9. “My back hurts…”
Valid, but not exactly a passionate statement. Maybe try a different position, or just accept it’s time to call it a night. Forcing things when your body is saying “stop” isn’t enjoyable for anyone. Listen to your body, WebMD advises, and don’t be afraid to suggest alternatives that might be more comfortable.
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10. “Ouch!” (When nothing actually hurts)
Fake reactions undermine trust and the mood. Honesty is the best policy, even if it means gently steering things in a different direction. If something isn’t feeling good, speak up — “Let’s try a slightly different angle” is far more constructive than play-acting pain.
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11. Dead silence
Some folks are quiet during intimacy, which is fine! But if you usually communicate, sudden radio silence can be unsettling. Even just a happy sigh is reassuring. The sound of enjoyment is a powerful tool, so don’t be afraid to express yourself!
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12. Someone else’s name
Unless you’re very into roleplay, this is a classic mood-killer. Ouch! There might be a time and a place for unusual things, but blurting out an ex’s name is definitely not it.
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13. “Is that all?”
Even if you were hoping for more, this comes off as dismissive and hurtful. Focus on the positive, or try subtly guiding things the way you’d like. A playful “That feels amazing, don’t stop…” is much nicer than expressing disappointment.
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14. “Can we try this incredibly difficult thing I saw online?”
Cool for later, maybe, after warming up. Starting with something wildly complicated might lead to frustration for both of you. Warming up is important, so build excitement gradually before diving into complex acrobatics.
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15. “What’s that sound?”
Unless it’s a concerning noise and you’re genuinely worried, leave the mystery be. Bodies are weird and make all sorts of sounds… it’s normal! Getting hung up on a harmless noise distracts from the feelings in the moment.
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16. “Are you done yet?”
Rushing someone just creates pressure. Relax, enjoy the journey, and let things flow naturally. Focusing on an end goal rather than the process itself reduces enjoyment to a checklist rather than a shared experience.
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17. “Wow, you’re so much better at this than…”
Again, comparisons are a recipe for disaster. Focus on what your partner is doing RIGHT, right now. Even constructive feedback can wait for a less vulnerable time; during intimacy, positive reinforcement is key.
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18. Literally nothing.
Some people need verbal feedback, others don’t. If you’re unsure what your partner likes, try some non-verbal cues (sounds, touch) or ask outside of the moment! Open communication outside of the bedroom can lead to even better experiences inside of it.
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