You probably have let your exes get away with some serious BS, but now you’re older, wiser, and pretty damn awesome and it’s time to raise the bar for your future partners by refusing to put up with these things in your relationships.
- Lackluster sex Sex is a criminally understated component of healthy relationships, and you should know better than to accept mediocre sex in your life. You’ve probably had enough sex by now to know the difference between good and bad, and you’re too badass to say that you’re “fine” with staying in a relationship because the X-rated side of things is the only part that sucks. You deserved to be boned right for the rest of your life.
- A fear of commitment or labels There was a time when it was acceptable to be or date someone who was scared of committing to one person or use terms like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.” But you’re a strong, badass woman now and you deserve to have a mature partner who’s proud to call you theirs. You don’t have to be looking to settle down to refuse to date someone who’s scared of something real with you.
- Poor communication You and your potential partners have spent enough of your lives talking that you should know how to do it right by now. Skirting around tough subjects for the sake of avoiding arguments is something that’s acceptable when you’re an awkward teenager, not when you’re an adult. By this point, you and your partner should both know how to wait your turn to speak, listen, and share your point of view without resorting to things like the silent treatment or name-calling.
- Excuses There’s a difference between a reason and an excuse, and you shouldn’t be in a relationship in which the latter is the norm. Don’t stay with someone who constantly fails to meet your expectations and then blames everyone but themselves for their shortcomings. You should be looking for a mature partner who accepts responsibility when they mess up, not one who looks for every possible way to avoid blame. Why sell yourself short with someone who’s not as amazing as you are?
- Empty promises Words are great but they mean nothing without actions to back them up. You’re way too awesome to deal with a partner who constantly promises the moon and then drops a handful of gravel at your feet. We all fail to live up to our own promises sometimes, but if you’re with someone who does it consistently, it’s time to move on and date a more reliable partner.
- Unproductive (and constant) arguments Life’s too short to be in an unhappy relationship, and happiness is damn near impossible when you’re constantly fighting—especially when the fights never lead to a resolution. You could easily date someone else you’d actually get along with, and even though you still have plenty of time ahead of you to find them, why would you want to waste another second with someone you’re constantly butting heads with? There’s someone out there RIGHT NOW who’s just as awesome as you are. Find them.
- Mismatched goals If you’re just into casual relationships at the moment, more power to you. If you’re looking for something real and lasting, you shouldn’t be wasting your time with a partner who doesn’t envision the same future you have in mind. If you know for a fact that you don’t want kids and they do, or that you want to travel the world while they never want to leave their hometown, there’s no reason to stick around.
- Questionable loyalty Dating someone who constantly makes you wonder if and when they’re going to cheat on you isn’t acceptable at any age, but especially now, when you know that there are plenty of people out there who wouldn’t make you worry. By this point in your life, you’ve probably seen all the signs that someone is shady, so why would you put yourself through that kind of stress and heartache?
- Lack of effort Effort is the foundation of any successful and healthy relationship, and you’re too amazing to date someone who doesn’t actively try to keep you around. Dating someone who cruised through a relationship might’ve been acceptable when you were a teenager because, hey, neither of you really knew what you were doing. But now that you’re a strong, smart woman who knows that it takes work to make goals a reality, there’s no excuse to settle for someone who thinks they can lie back while you do all the heavy lifting in love.
- Manipulation Unfortunately, manipulation tactics aren’t always easy to spot but as soon as you notice them, you should be peacing out. Techniques such as gaslighting, love-bombing, and guilt-tripping are childish ways for someone to get what they want out of you, and you deserve someone who either treats you like the queen you are or leaves you alone so you can find someone who will.
