My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years and while I’m ready to take the next step in our relationship by moving in together, he’s just not ready. I’d like to think that by this point, he’s certain about wanting a future with me. He’s assured me that he does, but if he’s not willing to put his money where his mouth is, where does that leave me?
He’s the greatest guy I’ve ever met
. After my dad, that is. He’s kind, funny, intelligent, successful, and handsome AF—oh, and he reads books and doesn’t play video games. He’s someone I can see myself spending my life with. We’ll be old and grey-haired and he’ll still say ridiculous things and I’ll still roll my eyes at him but we’ll be in love. At least that’s how I want it to go!
He’s the first guy I’ve been with that I actually do things with
. We ski, we hike, we camp, we go wine tasting. I’ve never had a relationship where we do so many things together. Don’t get me wrong, we totally do the Netflix and chill thing too, but it’s really nice to be active with your guy. I’m sure there are other guys out there I could do things with, but I want to do them with him.
I’m his first serious relationship that’s lasted over a year
. It took him almost six months to tell me he loved me, so he clearly likes to take his time and be sure of himself. With that in mind, maybe he does see a future with me and it’s just taking us longer to get there than what I think is normal? That could very well be the case but I also don’t want to fool myself.
Our lives have become so intertwined that it’s hard for me to imagine untangling myself from him
. Even though we don’t live together, we’re incredibly close and spend a lot of time together. I even refer to him as my dog’s dad. I also love his family and I think they feel the same about me. They’re great people and have always made me feel so welcome and like I’m part of the family.
I’ve waited for a guy before and it didn’t turn out well for me
. I was with someone for a few years and it never went anywhere. He eventually called it quits (a week before my birthday) and I was devastated. Looking back, I wonder how I could’ve been so nice, especially since he met someone a few months later and was living with her a few months after that. He didn’t refuse to move in with me because he “wasn’t ready to stop living with his brother,” it was because he just didn’t want to live with me. Now that I’m in a similar situation again, I can’t help but wonder if I’m being set up for yet another disappointment.
I often have nightmares of us breaking up and I wake up horrified and upset
. Clearly this is plaguing my subconscious self as well. He makes fun of me and thinks it’s ridiculous that we’re always breaking up in my dreams, but if my subconscious is any indicator (which it totally is), I’m obviously not feeling very secure in our relationship. I don’t want to break up, that’s obvious, but what am I supposed to do?
I know I shouldn’t have to fight for someone to want to be with me
. I guess right now the only person I’m fighting with is myself. I don’t know whether to stay and wait it out even if it means the future of our relationship is on his terms, or leave because I want more, thus resulting in being miserable and wondering what could have happened if I’d stayed.
I know that going into protection mode probably won’t help our relationship chances
. If I stop hanging out with him so much and start distancing myself in the hopes that if it ends it won’t hurt so much, isn’t that just self-sabotage? Because he’s still acting the same as he always has (happy and carefree) and I’m sitting here with the giant question mark over my head.
I can’t tell him what’s wrong because then we’d have to talk about it.
Everyone fears The Talk because if after the conversation you realize you’re not on the same page, the next step is obvious. Friends ask me all the time if we’ve talked about the big stuff like kids and marriage and while we have, there’s never been any real conclusive answer. He’s open to the idea of kids, but not for a long time. He doesn’t really care about marriage, but if it’s what his partner really wanted, he’d be open to it. He sees a future with me, he’s just not sure when he’ll be ready to live together. Ugh!
I think I just need to relax and roll with it.
What will be will be, right? We love each other and love spending our time together. Can’t that be enough for now? If we’re meant to move forward, we will. And if we’re being completely honest here, the only person thinking about breaking up is me, and it’s because I’m afraid. He’s worth the wait so I need to get over myself.
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