If You Think “Feminism” Is A Dirty Word, You Don’t Have A Chance With Me

In my dating profiles, I highlight “body positive and intersectional feminist” at the very top. I am completely unapologetic in my showing of who I am, so any man that thinks feminism is a bad “f” word can get lost. We’ll never get along as friends and definitely not as lovers.

1. If you think feminism is unnecessary or outdated, you’re just plain wrong. I’ll argue with you until the cows come home about the absolute necessity of feminism. We need feminism because women still make $0.85 to a man’s $1.00. According to Huffington Post, female genital mutilation is still practiced in 29 countries. Further, women hold less than 20 percent of the seats in Congress despite making up half of the population. These are all facts of today. Should I go on?
2. Women have a right to be angry. Look at some of the statistics I cited above. They just barely scratch the surface of what feminists are angry about. If these things were happening to men, you better believe there would be an uproar and no one would be suggesting that you’re “overreacting.”
3. Feminism isn’t about hating men. Sure, we’re angry and some of the anger is directed at men, but mostly we’re mad at patriarchy. We’re angry at the systems that keep men in positions of power and women lower on the totem pole. As feminists, we want to work with men, not against them. You’re going to have to accept the fact that we’re fiery. If my fire scares you away, you’re not the guy for me.
4. Sexism and racism often come coupled and I won’t deal with either. If you can’t grasp how deep sexism runs, you’re likely a racist, too. You can’t really understand one marginalized group without also getting a feel for the other. Just as I don’t put up with sexist men in my life, I will not put up with racist men.
5. I never have to pretend to be the proverbial “cool girl.”The “cool girl” phenomenon is one of the grossest side effects of sexism. It’s this idea that women have to play it cool by conforming to what men expect of them. You’ll never see me playing this proverbial “cool girl.” I refuse to be someone I’m not just to make a guy feel more comfortable. If you can’t handle how much unapologetic realness I bring to the table, you can move along to someone else who’s willing to be your pawn.
6. Feminism helps men normalize their emotions. Feminism isn’t all about female anger. It’s about equalizing everything between the sexes. There’s a heavy focus on healing unreasonable gender expectations. For example, men are raised to refrain from talking about emotions and if it all possible refrain from feeling them at all. All of this touting of masculinity is suffocating our boys and men. It keeps them from having depth in their relationships and from being able to effectively communicate what’s going on in their feeling body. As a feminist, I leave room for my guy to air out his emotions and I’m supportive when the culture at large may otherwise shun him.
7. Gender is a social construct. If you think the very basics of feminism are bad, I can only imagine what close-minded beliefs you have about gender. Newsflash: there are many people who feel they don’t fit cleanly into the box of “masculine” or “feminine.” If a guy doesn’t know anything about the nuances of gender and isn’t interested in learning, I kick him out of my life real fast.
8. I will not tolerate an ounce of slut-shaming. Slut-shaming is when you judge a woman based on who she slept with, how she slept with them, or what she’s wearing. Basically, just don’t judge a woman at all. None of those things are any of your business and really, who are you to judge? Are you really that important that you get to determine a woman’s worth based on some bullshit belief you have? No thanks. I’ll call you out real quick and I’ll also mention the “he’s a stud, she’s a slut” double standard that is total crap.
9. I’ve broken up with diet culture for good. There are two kinds of fat people according to good ole diet culture (which is really sexism in disguise); there are good fatties and bad fatties. Good fatties are the ones who are promising to lose weight. They’re desiring to conform to the BS standards laid before them. Bad fatties are women like me who are fat and really don’t care at all. I have no intention to lose weight. Actually, I sort of love myself for the first time ever. A guy that rejects feminism will definitely not be developed enough to understand the radical acceptance surrounding body positivity.
10. Rape culture is alive and well. I’d be amiss if I didn’t talk about rape culture. It’s a very important part of what feminists are fighting for. We still teach women how to prevent being raped rather than teaching men how not to rape. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in five women will be raped at some point in their life. That’s not even taking into account the fact that most rapes go unreported. As a trauma survivor, I protect myself at all costs. That includes talking about consent before I get physical with someone. If a guy can’t handle that I’m a feminist, he definitely can’t handle this level of important communication.
11. Being a feminist is a great way to weed out jerks. I am not at all sad when a guy isn’t interested in me as a result of my in-his-face feminism. In fact, he’s doing me a huge favor. Since I’m so intense, it’s really hard for idiots to sneak by my radar. They usually can’t have the level of conversation I demand or they don’t want to. Being a feminist makes a great filter for men who totally aren’t worth my time!