If You Think I’m “Too Much,” Maybe You’re Not Enough

I’m an amazing woman with a lot to offer the world in general and a boyfriend in particular. Telling me that I’m “too much” for you isn’t something that I’m going to take to heart and feel bad about. Honestly, the problem could very well be that you’re not feeling, giving or working enough to make this work.

  1. I won’t dilute myself for you or anyone. What am I supposed to do to make you comfortable? Try to be less of what I am? Be less into you or less into relationships? Screw that. I am what I am and it’s taken me a long time to feel comfortable in my skin. You’re not going to come along and make me delete all my hard work.
  2. Anything that doesn’t make me feel good is too small for me. So true! I want to be with someone who does me justice and makes me even more of myself, not less. Dating is like finding the right dress: it has to suit me, not cause me to have to struggle into it.
  3. I want a guy who gets me. We need to have things in common but we also need to agree on me being awesome. I want a guy who understands what I’m about and who loves every inch of who I am. If you don’t, we’re probably not meant to be.
  4. I’m intense. Deal with it. I like to live life 100 percent and I like to be totally, unapologetically me. If you don’t like that, then it’s best if you leave rather than expect me to change. That won’t happen because I’m not going to apologize for being passionate.
  5. I don’t want to play games. What, is this high school? I’m not into playing dating games, like pretending not to be into you or hiding who I am. What’s the point of that? It’ll just make us get off on the wrong foot because we’ll be fake with each other. I don’t have time for fake. I want to be real with each other right from the first date.
  6. You’re not giving me what I need. You might think I’m not right for you because I’m “too much” but maybe the real reason is that you’re just not right for me. If we’re on different pages, you’re not going to meet my standards or make me happy. Good riddance.
  7. You’re going to have regrets. You might like to live a diluted existence, where you hide parts of yourself or try too hard to be cool, but I don’t want to live like that because it just leads to regrets. Yeah, good luck with those in 20 years.
  8. You might think that because I tell you how I feel and I make it clear from the start that I’m looking for something serious, it means that I’m clingy. But I’m not. I just know what I want and I won’t waste my time if I don’t get it with you.
  9. You’re not man enough to handle me. Part of what makes me awesome (but “too much” in your eyes) is that I’m the kind of GF who really makes an effort to keep the relationship going and to keep my partner happy. This freaks people out if they’re commitment-phobes or just lazy jerks. So, if you’re not going to meet me halfway, then you’re not man enough for this relationship.
  10. You’re lucky to meet a woman who cares enough. There’s so much deception and fickleness in the world that when you meet a woman who is real, upfront and into you, you’ve won the lottery! The right guy will see that. If you don’t, you’re clearly not him.
  11. I love myself. It might be difficult to deal with the fact that I love myself and all my flaws. It can be unsettling and if you’re insecure about yourself, it might make you feel uncomfortable. When I can go a whole weekend without seeing you quite happily because I love my own company, you might think I’m “too much” because I’m so independent. But hey, those are your issues, not mine. I love who I am and I’m not going to tone down the self-love anytime soon.
  12. I make demands, but they’re the least you can do. I won’t be with someone who isn’t sure about me, who gives me mixed messages, who won’t make a relationship official and who pretends not to care. I don’t have time for that BS. If these demands on you seem a little too crazy, maybe you’re the crazy one for being comfortable with less.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.