I have pretty terrible luck when it comes to matters of the heart. Every time I think I like a guy, it turns out he already has a girlfriend—even though most of the time, he’s the one who approached me first. I spend a lot of time reflecting on why I might be attracting dudes who are already taken but I still can’t figure it out.
- They just don’t care. Without fail, every time I do my proper research after a date or interaction with a guy, I find out he has a girlfriend through Instagram. What confuses me the most about this is that in 2017, men still don’t get that the internet is to any and everybody. I can see what they’re doing and figure out when they’re lying and they clearly just don’t care.
- Exes are most guilty of this. Just because we were in a relationship previously doesn’t mean I’m fine hooking up with this guy again now that he has a new girlfriend. Like, I saw the Facebook photo album of you guys at Cheesecake Factory with her family last week, dude—what do you mean what am I doing tonight?
- Girlfriends always leave comments. Especially the super insecure ones, and rightfully so—look at how these men behave. A sure-fire way to tell if he has a girlfriend? Who comments heart eyes and uses the word baby the most in his comments? Click her page and you’ll surely find that her bio says “taken” and is accompanied by photos of them together, mostly while he’s driving or asleep. This has happened to me one too many times.
- They pretend to have a guilty conscience but I really don’t think they do. I recently hung out with and had drinks with a guy. The conversation and vibe were fantastic, and boy could he kiss! Wooo! One thing that bothered me, though, is all night he kept asking me if I was sure I was single. Obviously I am or I wouldn’t have been there. Later that week, he posted a photo and someone commented, “So proud of how far you’ve come, babe.” It made much more sense. He was projecting the entire time because he was the one in a relationship.
- Guys who take a long time to respond are often already taken. Ladies, pay attention to a man’s response time and what kind of time he’s able to invest in you overall. If he’s always taking hours to respond, sure, it might be his workload, but it’s more likely his actual relationship. I’ve been through this so many times and have had to learn the hard way. Don’t make the same mistake.
- Set Your Standards A Little Higher. A bottle of wine in the house or a late night conversation in the car stargazing isn’t the worst date in the world, but when I’m first getting to know someone, it can give the guy a lot of leeway to keep secrets. I’ve started to avoid these cheaters altogether by wanting to go out to eat or even just to the movies instead. Someone in a relationship is a lot less likely to be out and about on a date unless they really just don’t give a damn and while I admit sometimes guys still fall through the cracks here, it does catch quite a few of them out.
- Why can’t more people be direct on dating sites? We all use them every once in a while, right? They don’t have to be hookup sites, but a lot of people use them as such. However, I wish those people, male or female, would put that in their profile loud and clear for those of us who are looking for something more. If a guy is looking for someone to have fun with behind his girlfriend’s back, I’m not feeling it.
- I’m not going to beat myself up over the fact that some dudes just suck. I’m not going to lie, after hanging out with that guy that I thought I had a decent connection with, I was completely thrown off by finding his girlfriend on Instagram. It’s just disappointing, especially when you feel like you’re slowly but surely making the changes needed to attract better people into your life and you find out the opposite is true. I had to get over it, though, and realize that some guys are just jerks and there’s nothing I can do about it.
