Opinion: If You Think Love Conquers All, You’re Crazy

When you’re single and dating, it seems like just finding love is the hard part — but if you’ve ever been in love, you know staying in love and maintaining a healthy relationship is just as hard. That’s because, as much as you want it to be true, love doesn’t actually conquer all. There are plenty of things that can derail a relationship that love can’t trump, and if you think any differently, you’re just naive.

  1. Love is fickle. You could be so in love with a guy one day and the next, someone else has caught your eye, or you could realize you don’t see a real future with him. It may not happen that suddenly, but there really is no guarantee that just because you love someone now, you’ll love them forever.
  2. Love doesn’t make long distance any easier. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? If you’ve ever actually been in a long distance relationship that has no end in sight, you know that’s definitely not the case. You might love each other, but holding on to someone when there’s no chance of truly being together in the foreseeable future is just a waste of time and energy.
  3. Love doesn’t mean you both want the same things. You can lie to yourself and pretend that as long as you want each other, everything else will fall into place, but what if you want kids and he doesn’t? What if you want to live in the city and he wants to live in a small town? While compromise is part of every relationship, there are some things you shouldn’t have to give up for love.
  4. Love can’t overcome an abusive situation. Whether it’s mental, emotional or physical abuse, being in love with someone doesn’t make it okay. Abusive people can be extremely manipulative and they care more about having control over someone than real love. If you start putting yourself first, you’ll come to realize you don’t need him as much as you think. Don’t let love stop you from walking away.
  5. Sometimes the timing just isn’t right. You could be perfect for each other, but if one of you is ready to settle down and the other isn’t, you’re going to have a problem. You might think if it’s true love, it will work out, but it’s just as likely that it won’t — and you’ll regret wasting time on a relationship that never really had a chance.
  6. We often love people who are wrong for us. It’s true that you can’t help who you fall in love with, but unfortunately, that means you’re going to develop feelings for a guy who just isn’t right for you at some point. You can try to force it, but you’ll probably run into that round peg, square hole dilemma — it’s never going to fit the way you want it to.
  7. People change. Life can be difficult and everyone goes through rough patches. Some couples are able to rely on each other and get through the hard parts stronger than ever. But other couples grow apart. Neither scenario is right or wrong. It just is what it is. People change and someone who is perfect for you today might not be six months from now.
  8. Love isn’t a good reason to stay with someone who doesn’t treat you right. You deserve to be treated with respect and if a guy doesn’t do that, he’s not worthy of your love. Even if he’s not necessarily abusiveness, if he doesn’t make you a priority and he isn’t there for you when you need him, why waste your time? Love can’t turn him into a decent boyfriend — in fact, you’re probably just enabling his bad behavior by putting up with it.
  9. Without trust, love isn’t healthy. Can you really genuinely love someone when you don’t trust them? Lack of trust causes all kinds of problems and way more stress than you should ever willingly subject yourself to. If he cheated on you and you’re trying to rebuild trust, make sure it’s worth the effort because it’s going to be a long, uphill battle. You might never get back to how things used to be — it’s okay to admit you’d rather cut your losses because it’s not healthy to hold on to something that no longer makes you happy.
  10. Sometimes other priorities are more important. There’s a lot more to life than having a fairy tale romance. Your career, relationships with friends and family and hobbies can be pretty fulfilling and a lot more stable than being in love. Given the choice, some people will leave finding love for another day, and that’s perfectly understandable.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.