I Think I Might Be Falling For My Guy Friend — Help!

I like him as a friend; no, a boyfriend… I think? Ugh. I absolutely adore this guy, but I can’t figure out if my feelings are completely platonic or if I subconsciously want something a little more special with him. Has anyone else ever dealt with this? Because it’s making me feel a bit crazy.

  1. He makes my heart happy. When I’m with him, I feel emotionally recharged. We always laugh and smile together, and I never depart his company feeling like I would’ve rather just stayed at home. The problem is that I can never figure out if the joy I get out of being with him is because he’s such a good friend or because I have a bit of a crush on him. Who knew happiness could be such a complicated emotion?
  2. We “get” each other. Even in platonic friendships, it’s rare to find the kind of connection I share with this guy. We understand each other’s warped senses of humor, and he always seems to know how to cheer me up even when I feel like nothing can. I know that this kind of mutual understanding is crucial when it comes to romantic relationships, but it’s also super valuable in friendships. I don’t know if that connection we have is intensifying whatever crush I may have on him or if it’s just making me appreciate our friendship that much more.
  3. I’m only half-sure that I’d like to sleep with him. Part of me thinks the sexual chemistry would be amazing, but the other part thinks that it would just be awkward. I mean, we’ve known each other for so long that it would almost be like hooking up with a relative (ew), but there’s still a part of me that’s a bit curious as to what it might really be like to get him naked.
  4. Physically, he’s not my type. I know the kind of guy I go after, and he’s… not it. It’s not that he’s ugly — in fact, he catches the eye of a lot of women. He’s just not MY kind of handsome. Maybe I could develop an attraction to him over time, but if I don’t, I’d worry about what that could mean for our potential relationship.
  5. I don’t know how well we’d get along romantically. As friends, we couldn’t be a better pair. We get along perfectly and truly never get sick of each other. As boyfriend and girlfriend, though… well, who knows? The whole relationship dynamic changes when you take things to that next level, and there’s no telling what we might end up fighting about if we became each other’s partners.
  6. I’m not sure if a relationship would be worth risking our friendship. I’ve had relationships start out as friendships before, and it killed me when our breakup split us apart for good. I treasure my friendship with this guy so much, and part of me wonders if my wishy-washiness about my attraction to him is because I’m scared that I’ll lose my friend if I lose my boyfriend. I wonder if keeping those potential feelings at bay might be my safest bet.
  7. We already know a lot about each other. This is both a good and a bad thing. On one hand, he knows all my weird quirks and flaws, but on the other hand, that “new relationship smell” wears off rather quickly when you already know everything about your partner. I can’t figure out if our familiarity with each other is a turn-on or a turn-off, and it’s making this whole thing that much more confusing.
  8. Getting out of that “friend” vibe would be a challenge. We’re so used to being each other’s buddies that moving things to another level would probably be a bit awkward — maybe forever. Would I even be able to make out with him without feeling weird? Would holding hands feel just right or super forced? What about all those couple-y conversations that are bound to happen? Maybe it’s because I’ve only ever even considered him a friend until now, but those potential situations make me feel both uncomfortable and excited at the same time.
  9. I know he’d make a great boyfriend. I’ve seen the way he’s treated former partners, and I know he’d treat me the same way. I tend to go for people who aren’t good for me, so the idea of someone like him who’s pretty much guaranteed to treat me right is definitely appealing. I just would never want to date him solely because he’s made of such quality boyfriend material — it might lead me to turn a blind eye to all the other things that WOULDN’T make us good romantic partners.
  10. I’m constantly going back and forth.  Some days the thought of kissing him puts butterflies in my stomach; other days it makes me cringe. This would be a lot easier if my brain and heart could just pick a side, but it’s like they can’t decide how I should really feel about him. I know I need to make a decision and stick to it soon — otherwise, I might let a good thing slip away.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu blue belt. She's currently hanging out in Costa Rica with her cat and a lot of really big bugs.