Approximately 70% of people have felt confused about whether or not they were on an actual date, according to a State of Dating In America survey. So if you’re sitting with a guy wondering if the fact that he invited you out last minute or offered to pay for the bill classifies as dating, you’re not alone. However, you don’t have to wallow in confusion for much longer. Here are 14 signs it’s definitely NOT a date so you don’t waste more of your time.
The “date” isn’t planned in advance. He texted you, “Hey, in the hood. Wanna meet up?” or “Hey, I’m bored AF. Let’s go watch a movie.” A guy who wants to date you is going to make more effort to show you he’s interested. He’ll make plans in advance and act like he really wants to date you, not fill up his lonely Saturday night.
He doesn’t ask if you’re having fun. A guy who’s on a date with you will want to ensure that the night’s special, so he’s likely to check in with you during the evening to make sure you’re having a great time and your food’s delicious. He’s not just going to ignore the fact that there’s a hair in your wine glass or that you look miserable.
He looks scruffy. If he looks good—he took the time to shower, he’s used product in his hair, and he’s color-coordinated his outfit—it shows that he made an effort. It’s a date! If, on the other hand, if it looks like he rolled out of bed, went for a sweaty workout at the gym, and then didn’t bother to shower or change before meeting you at the club, it’s not a date. And he’s gross.
He’s not laying on the compliments. A guy who’s hoping he’ll be your next booty call might give you compliments, sure, but he’s not going to be giving you real compliments about your personality and intelligence. If he does those things and they seem really sincere, he’s keen on dating you.
He invites you out with his friends. You were expecting to meet him for dinner alone, but he’s got other ideas. He wants you to join him and his buddies across town where they’re getting sloshed at a party. Um, not a date. If he’s keen to invite you to a group date, he’ll damn well call it that. Plus, any guy who lets you assume it’s a one-on-one date but then “surprises” you by bringing his buddy along is a jerk.
He scrutinizes the bill. OMG, this is so embarrassing. At the end of dinner, he studies the bill so you can both pay for every last morsel you ate and nothing more. He might even ask for separate bills. Ugh, definitely not a date. GTFO of there right now!
He calls it “hanging out.” You can tell if he’s keen to go on a real date with you or not by how he phrases the evening. If he says he’d love to hang out with you, he’s not serious about you at all.
He moans about his bad luck with women. It’s fine to touch on the subject of exes on a first date, but if the guy’s keen on moaning about how he can’t find the right person, he’s hinting that you’re not it. He probably sees you as a friend he can complain to. Ugh.
There’s no touching at all. Not even when he reaches past you to get his coat or sits next to you on a park bench. This is a clear sign that there’s no romance involved.
He doesn’t mention future outings. If he’s keen to see you again for another date, he’ll be filling this one with talk of where he’d love to take you and when he’d like to see you again. If he’s not talking about seeing you at all, then clearly it’s not a date.
His phone’s lit up on the table. A guy who’s on a date and having a great time will want to give you his undivided attention. If he gets an emergency text or call, he’ll apologize for taking it. He won’t sit there staring at his phone all night like it’s totally cool to do so. A guy who does that is under the impression that you’re not on a date, so he doesn’t have to be on his best behavior.
Conversation is bland AF. When a guy’s on a date with you, he’ll want to get to know you. He’ll ask you interesting questions. If the conversation is super boring or he doesn’t particularly seem interested in keeping it going, he doesn’t want to date you.
He’s so relaxed, it’s like he’s chilling at home. You want the guy you’re on a date with to be having a good time around you, but you want him to be a little nervous, too. It’s a sign that he cares about making a great first impression and you shake him up a bit. If he’s totally relaxed – he’s slouching in his chair, he’s burping (OMG!), and he’s drinking too much—he’s not taking this seriously.
He doesn’t end properly. At the end of your evening, a guy who was on a date with you will give you a clear indication that he’s keen to see you again. He might even have a second date planned, which is awesome. A guy who sees you as a friend will make a noncommittal comment like, “We should do that again sometime.” Whether he’s just keen on being friends or he’s not interested in ever seeing you again, a vague response says it all so don’t waste any your time or thoughts on this guy.
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