If You’re Thinking Of Settling, Don’t — It Will Only Make You Unhappy

When you’re lonely and a little desperate for love, it can be tempting to stick with the first guy who shows interest in you. Sure, he’s not exactly what you wanted, but he’s also not the worst guy out there, right? Settling instead of waiting for something better might seem smart at the time, but here’s why it’s actually a horrible idea:

  1. One of you will cheat. When the spark isn’t there, you’ll probably have sex less often. Then, the rest of your relationship will start to deteriorate, and one of you is going to end up fulfilling your needs elsewhere. Do both of you a favor and split before it gets to that point.
  2. You’ll wake up one morning having no idea who that man is beside you. You know how people who seemed happily married suddenly get divorced twenty years into their marriage? Chances are, many of them settled and realized they wanted something more than they had. Even when people get comfortable with someone they don’t really want, they eventually grow apart.
  3. Other people will start to notice. We all know THAT couple that clearly doesn’t belong together, and if you settle, you might end up becoming them. Most people aren’t going to say anything directly to you about it, but they’ll definitely talk about it behind your back. If you’re lucky, a good friend will gently ask you if this is really what you want, but if not, your dissatisfaction with your love life is going to continue being apparent to both you and your loved ones.
  4. You’ll feel physically uncomfortable. When things are off, your body knows. Think about your last breakup: It physically hurt, right? Well, the wrong relationship can make your body feel off, too. You might feel lethargic, sore, or even sick. It’s your body’s way of telling you to get the hell out of this relationship.
  5. Other things in your life will start to feel off. When things with your partner aren’t going well, the problems don’t stay confined to your relationship.  You’re going to start to feel discontent in other areas of your life, too. You might lose your mojo at work, in yoga, or even when you’re out with your friends. Settling doesn’t just affect your love life: it affects your WHOLE life.
  6. You’ll get emotional about everything and have no idea why. Your mind and heart know one another, and when one is off, the other can be too. When you’ve settled, you may feel comfortable, but your heart will want more. This can make you uncontrollably sad, depressed, and an all around hot mess for what seems like no good reason. When you start crying because a jar of pasta sauce is too hard to open, you might realize that your relationship isn’t giving you what you need.
  7. You’ll envy those couples who obviously belong together. It’s tough to see disgustingly perfect couples when your own relationship is just so-so. When you’ve settled, jealousy has a way of reminding you of what you could have if you’d just break up with this guy already.
  8. You’ll start finding flaws and making up fights. When you’ve settled, you might be comfortable enough in your relationship that you have a hard time pinpointing exactly why you’re not happy. But before long, you’ll start to find flaws and pick fights as a way to find something concretely wrong about your relationship. You don’t need these battles, though. The fact that you’re not completely happy in the first place is reason enough to end things.
  9. You’ll feel like nothing is ever good enough. If your relationship is lacking, you may start to look at other aspects of your life and feel like they aren’t good enough, either. You start to ask yourself, “If I’ve settled in love, what else have I settled for?” You begin to question your job, your friends, and even the hobbies you once loved.
  10. You’ll start to wonder what is wrong with you. If the relationship isn’t “right” but everything is good, you’ll start to think you’re crazy for wanting more fulfillment from a partner. Because he’s a genuinely good guy, you may chastise yourself for even thinking that there is someone better for you. But being unhappy in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re flawed. Sometimes, things just aren’t meant to work out between two people, and you’re not a bad person for letting go.
C. is an aspiring yogi and Ph.D student who loves her dogs, bright lipstick and to travel. Find her on IG @drparko121314