I’ve always wanted at least three kids and thankfully, my husband is totally down. Unfortunately, even though I’m pregnant with my third child now, I still feel like I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing despite having years of experience raising my first two. Here’s why I’m doubting myself.
I feel less prepared each pregnancy, not more. Time flies so much faster each time because I’m so busy with my kids that I can’t do much else, let alone make sure I have everything I need for the new baby. Oh well, I’ll just wing it. The kids will survive.
Taking care of kids while having morning sickness is no joke. Morning sickness means more like all day sickness. Mine has gotten worse with each pregnancy, and apparently, this is normal. I thought it was hard with one kid, but now I have two and I feel like I’m barely surviving. I can’t rest when my two toddlers need something literally every two minutes, and I feel like I’m doing the bare minimum. I think I should have this down at this point but I definitely don’t.
It’s hard to sleep when you’re pregnant and I’m not handling it any better this time. Obviously, when your belly gets huge you can’t sleep because you’re uncomfortable, but I’m only in my first trimester and I’m already having trouble sleeping. It’s impossible to shut my mind off, and getting little sleep doesn’t leave me in a great mood the next day. Why am I not used to this by now?
I thought I’d be able to control my eating more this time around but I can’t. Now that I have experience, I thought it was going to be so much easier to control my eating and therefore my weight gain. I was delusional. It’s impossible to limit your weight gain when you have to eat every hour to control nausea, and you can only hold down bread and crackers. Also, your body gets bigger faster each pregnancy anyway. I should know this by now. Whale status here I come.
New symptoms still pop up and they’re things no one tells you about. I’ve had lots of weird symptoms that I know are normal (like really vivid sex dreams), but I still freak out over every new symptom. I google everything like it’s my job, just like I did the first time around. Today it was “is foot numbness normal in early pregnancy?” I had carpal tunnel in my wrists while carrying my last two kiddos, which made my hands numb and sore, and I guess your feet can go numb too. Great. You’d think I’d know every pregnancy symptom on the planet and be prepared for anything at this point, but I still feel like I know nothing.
Labor terrifies me even though I’ve been through it twice already. What if something bad or unexpected happens? Even though I have experience, it’s not any less scary. I think I should be prepared for anything at this point, but that’s not the case.
I thought I’d be a pro at being pregnant while being a mom this time. However, it’s not any easier. I think it only gets crazier as time goes on because kids do more as they get older. When they’re babies, they just sit there and look cute, but they get more and more complicated as they age. And parenting while pregnant makes it that much harder. I’m not dealing with it any better than I did last time I was pregnant. Why? Because I have no idea what I’m doing.
I can’t do as much with my two little ones now that I’m pregnant again and I feel like I should be able to. I’m so miserable that I have to drag myself out of the house most of the time. I’m also letting them watch a little too much TV these days and it makes me feel guilty, but I need to survive too. I feel like I should be supermom by now but I’m not even close.
I never have my crap together now, so I don’t see it happening after having another. I clean the house only right before people come over, I never arrive anywhere on time, and everything is always last minute. I used to be so organized, and that definitely isn’t the case now. So even though I’ve been pregnant or nursing for the past five years, I still haven’t mastered the art of pregnancy and motherhood.
I don’t feel like I’m the perfect mom, so I worry about how I’m going to be a good mom to three. I know I’m doing my best, but for example, sometimes I get frustrated easily, and it’s harder to tone that down while I’m pregnant because I’m just freaking miserable. I always feel like my kids deserve me at my best all the time, but I’m still figuring it out.
My anxiety level rises with each pregnancy. When your heart is running around outside of your body in multiple pieces (that’s what it feels like to have children), you’re always worried about something happening to them, and with every pregnancy, it gets worse. I also had to go off my anxiety medication, but I feel like I should still be able to control my anxious tendencies a little more by now. Nope, I’m still a basket-case.
I wouldn’t trade the chaos for anything in the world though. I’d go through anything for my kids. They’re worth every ache and pain and every anxious moment. There’s nothing in my life that has been more rewarding than raising my children has been. Maybe if I get pregnant again, I’ll be a pro at this, but probably not.