This Is What You Go Through After Being Ghosted

This Is What You Go Through After Being Ghosted ©iStock/ozgurcankaya

Having a formal breakup with your S.O. is one thing; being ghosted by the guy you’ve trusted with your heart is another. It’s more painful and harder to deal with because you can’t figure out what the hell happened and why. The lack of closure makes it nearly impossible to process the experience and move on. If you’ve been ghosted, you probably went through these 10 stages:

  1. Confusion. Everything was perfect on your last date. You talked about your favorite childhood movies and even shared more about yourself. Now you can’t help but wonder what the hell you did wrong since he kissed you at the door and then you never heard from him again. Only he could tell you, but he’s ignoring your texts and calls.
  2. Shock. How could a grown man do something so shady and messed up? You thought you’d finally met someone who’s worth your time and attention, and then he turns around and does that. You have reasonable expectations of guys you let in your life, and you can’t believe he’d screw you over like this.
  3. Sadness. Once you realize he’s seriously iced you out for no reason (at least none you can figure out), you feel incredibly disheartened. You took a chance on a guy and thought this one would actually work out, but yet again you ended up alone and upset. Ugh, WTF?
  4. Disappointment. You gave him your time and attention because you believed he was worthy of it and you. You know you did nothing wrong to explain why he’d just disappear out of nowhere, so why did he? Either you’re a bad judge of character or he’s just not the guy you thought he was. Either way, it seriously sucks.
  5. Anger. You want to storm over to his apartment or look for him at work or at the bar he hangs out at with his bros and give him a piece of your mind. After all, it’s your right to know. He can’t just walk out on you like that and screw you over with zero repercussions, especially when you did nothing to deserve such terrible treatment.
  6. Revenge. Now you’re on fire. You’re ready to screw his life up because he just did it to you. You start plotting about the next steps you’ll take so you can make him pay for the damage he’s done. It’s not your usual style, but you’re seriously furious.
  7. Surrender. After racking your brain for ages trying to figure out the best way to get back at this loser, you decide to give up. You resign yourself to the fact that some guys are just losers and he’s really not worth any more of your time and energy. Your revenge needs to be living life for you, not dealing with some player who didn’t have the balls to end things with you directly.
  8. Indifference. You don’t care about guys. You’re so done with dating. You’re ready to move on from all this love BS and you promise yourself that you won’t make the mistake of letting anyone in ever again (or at least not for the foreseeable future).
  9. Relief. You feel good about the fact that he’s no longer in your life — sure, it still sucks the way he blew you off, but did you really want a guy like that anyway? Definitely not. You know you’re better off on your own than with a guy who’s such an immature coward that he thinks ghosting is OK.
  10. Acceptance. You’ve been ghosted and who cares? It happens to other kind-hearted girls and guys and they survive, just like you. Worse things could have happened to you and you’re just thankful you’re OK. Anyway, it’s not like the loser is the only guy out there. When you find him, you’ll be ready.
Maine Belonio is a twenty-something mom and writer who has a penchant for coffee, long distance running, Tolkien, Switchfoot, and Jesus. Find her broken, honest, and brave musings at