This Is What Happens When You’re An Independent Woman In A New Relationship

When you’ve been using your single AF phase to really work on yourself, getting out there and starting to date again can be a serious challenge. You’ve been living your life as a kickass independent single woman to the fullest, and you’re not quite sure how to translate that into a relationship. If this sounds like you, you’ve probably faced these struggles:

  1. You Forget To Make Your Guy A Priority. You’ve been busy all week with work, family, the gym, friends, etc. That’s when you remember your boyfriend also needs and deserves your attention. Oops. Your routine has been going on for so long that you sometimes forget that not only is he now part of that routine, but he should also be a priority.
  2. You Struggle To Ask Him For Help. You’ve been handling everything on your own for what feels like forever, and you have a killer system down. You’re smart, efficient, and you definitely don’t need a guy… except now you have one that you really care about and he wants to feel useful. You struggle to ask him for help on little tasks like carrying in the groceries because you know that just a few months ago, you would’ve easily taken care of them all in one trip. You ask anyway, but deep down it’s killing you.
  3. You’re not used to having a regular plus-one. You’re having Christmas dinner with your whole family and you just know it’s going to be a disaster, as per usual. It’s not until you’re telling your boyfriend about it that your realize you probably should’ve invited him to begin with. It wasn’t that you didn’t want him there — it’s just you haven’t brought anyone to a family function in years, so you forgot. Now you have to scramble to make it sound like he was invited all along.
  4. You feel bad, but you still need a lot of alone time. Even after spending days on end with your new beau and loving every second, you still look forward to being alone for a few days. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend time apart. In fact, it’s healthier than being together 24/7. The struggle is that you need to find a guy that realizes this and appreciates that about you. If the one you’re with is the right one for you, he’ll get it.
  5. You actually have regular plans now, and that’s weird. Sometimes you struggle with the fact that you no longer just go the gym, work, and binge watch TV shows at night. Instead, you have someone to spend time with regularly and it feels kind of weird — the good kind of weird, though.
  6. It kinda sucks having to share the Bed sometimes. Man oh man, is it weird using a bed for two people. You’re so used to taking up the whole mattress all by yourself that you forget you have to stay in one place and let the other person have some room too. You secretly miss having all that space to yourself… until he cuddles you in the morning and you remember why you love having him there.
  7. You Feel Awkward Letting Him Pay. You appreciate it, of course, but it still feels weird. You’re constantly trying to get him to split with you, or let you treat every few dates as a compromise. It makes you feel oddly vulnerable to let your guy pick up the tab, but you’re working on it.
  8. Your hygiene game has gone WAY up and it’s tiring AF. You were single for so long you might’ve tried to braid your leg hair some days. Now you’re supposed to be all smooth from head to toe, with freshly washed hair, and actually look sorta put together. You kinda like the finished product when you look in the mirror, but ugh, it’s exhausting.
  9. You Don’t Really Know How To Be Vulnerable. When you were independent (single), you had a close-knit circle of friends that already knew everything about you. Now there’s a new guy around and you’re supposed to be open with him about everything. You don’t know how to open the flood gates of emotions or share personal stuff anymore. He asks you for a secret and you decide to tell him about your stuffed animal from first grade. Not quite what he had in mind… but you’ll get there.
  10. You’re adjusting, but you Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way. You may have been single for years on end and loved it, but now that you’re with a guy and struggling along the way, you still wouldn’t change a thing. You’ll happily struggle through the independence woes until you find out who independent relationship girl is.
Tori is a recent college graduate trying to find her place in this world. She loves to travel (way too much), play volleyball, and practice her broken German when she isn't working as a safari specialist.