This Is Why It’s So Hard To Be A Woman Who Doesn’t Want Kids

This Is Why It’s So Hard To Be A Woman Who Doesn’t Want Kids ©iStock/PeopleImages

Ah, the irony. Every woman out there complains that she can’t meet a guy who wants kids. The woman who doesn’t want children? Can’t find a single dude who feels the same way. It doesn’t seem to matter what box you check on that dating app, no one pays any damn attention. Here are some other struggles of being a woman who desires a child-free life:

  1. Everyone assumes you want them. It’s 2016, and fewer people are having kids than ever before. It doesn’t seem to matter – it’s still assumed that women want children and a family. When a woman says that she wants to remain single and/or childless, it’s met with confusion and disbelief. The only people who aren’t surprised are the other women who feel the same way.
  2. Men like to tell you that you’ll change your mind. It’s so very annoying. You explain to a guy what your stance is, and he brushes it aside. Seriously? How would he feel if someone did that to him? It’s not only obnoxious, it’s straight-up rude. He’s condescending. If anyone says to you, “oh yes you do” or “you do, you just don’t know it yet”, run far far away.
  3. Guys judge you for it. Even those who say they don’t want kids seem to find it weird. Wanting a different life for yourself does not make you any less feminine or womanly. It does not mean you’re a money-hungry workaholic career woman who might be a lesbian. Tell him to get rid of these outdated ideals and let everyone live the way they want. If a guy doesn’t like your views on family, then he doesn’t have to date you. Simple as that.
  4. No one understands unless they feel the same way. You don’t judge other people for choosing a more traditional lifestyle, but it doesn’t work the other way around. Even though it has nothing to do with them, suddenly everyone you know has an opinion on what you should do. It’s your life. Live it the way you want. Find your tribe and stick with them.
  5. As you get older, it seems harder to meet good men who don’t want them. You made your decision a long time ago, but a lot of guys remain undecided until later in life. After all, they don’t have the ticking biological clock that you do. Women have a deadline of sorts so you have to figure out your priorities a bit earlier. Suddenly you hit your thirties and all these guys who never wanted kids have decided they are finally ready. Where’d those carefree adventurers you wanted to date go? Now they’re in short supply.
  6. It’s also harder to meet men who don’t already have them. Unless you’re into the cougar thing, your dating pool is most likely your age or older. As you mature, a lot of those men are divorced and/or have children from other relationships. It’s fine as long as your only issue is the actual physical bearing of a baby. If you don’t want to take part in raising any kids, however, this will throw a wrench in your plans.
  7. Not wanting kids doesn’t mean you’re nontraditional in all ways. Maybe you have a pretty standard view of how a relationship should work aside from the having-a-big-family thing. Sometimes men assume that your independent ways mean that you’re a wild and crazy bohemian or a party girl. People are all very different and complicated! It’s annoying when a guy decides what you are before he really knows you.
  8. Everyone makes assumptions about you. It’s not just the men that you date. It’s your family, your acquaintances, even your close friends. Some of them may even feel that you think you’re cooler than them because they want everything you eschew. Don’t listen to this crap. They should know you better than that. They’re reacting to their own worries and insecurities, so don’t feel bad about yourself. Stand up for who you are and what you want without looking down on the choices of others. Live a life true to yourself. It’s all you can do!
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at