I Thought He Was Really Into Me But He Just Didn’t Want To Be Single

We met on a dating app and seemed to hit it off in real life. I really liked him and believed him when he said I made his life better. It sounded so sweet! The only problem was that I soon realized he wasn’t falling for me, he was desperate for a relationship.

  1. He said he hated single life. When we talked about previous relationships, the guy confessed that he’d been single for a really long time—as in over seven years! Wow. This did seem suspiciously long but it didn’t change the fact that I really liked him. It was a bit concerning when he said he hated single life like a plague, though. I get that it can be lonely at times, but there’s a difference between lonely and feeling lost without a relationship! I’ve been single for years at a time and never felt like I’d lost myself.
  2. He kept singing my praises. I liked that he was so open about liking me so much, but then I started to worry that he wasn’t being genuine when it came to his feelings. Combined with how much he said he’d hated single life, his feelings started to feel over the top, like he was just so happy to potentially be off the market.
  3. I asked why he liked me. One day, to make myself feel better, I asked him why he was so into me. What was it about me that he liked? This shouldn’t have been a difficult question for him but it was. He took so long to answer my question that I jokingly asked if his brain cells were burning. Eventually, he said that I was kind, smart, and sweet… and really matched him. But it just felt like it wasn’t enough.
  4. He wanted to rush into a relationship. I started to worry that the guy was desperate, and my thoughts intensified when he said that he couldn’t wait to see me again even though we’d only gone on two dates. He also hinted at the whole soulmate thing on our third date, which freaked me out. I’ve always been wary of guys who want to rush me into a relationship. They usually ditch it as quickly as they wanted to start it.
  5. He cared a little too much about impressing me. He was a “yes man.” At first it was sweet but then it became annoying and super suspicious. He was always checking to make sure I hadn’t misunderstood what he’d said and he was always down for anything that made me happy. It started to feel like he was so happy to have found someone that he didn’t care how he spent his days. Ugh.
  6. He talked about love like he was in a Disney movie. One of the weirdest signs that he was dating me because he just wanted someone in his life was how he’d speak of love and relationships in such cliched ways. For example, he’d tell me that he was enjoying our relationship and that it was like magic to find your other half. After a while of this, it felt like his words were sucked of any real feeling and he might as well have been stealing them from movies. It was further insulting because he couldn’t actually say why he was with me.
  7. All his friends were tying the knot. Another thing that showed me he was just desperate to have someone was how his friends were all settling down into LTRs and getting married. He was actually the last single guy in his group of friends and he always said that it felt terrible, like life was just waiting to begin before he met me.
  8. It was like he had no identity of his own. I don’t want to be with someone who needs a romantic partner in their life because it gives them a sense of identity. I want someone who felt that they were complete before I came along. This guy was creeping me out. It’s like he’d just been waiting around for someone to enter his life and give it meaning. It’s no wonder he was being so clingy—he had nothing else in his life.
  9. I knew I had to get out. I started to get really anxious about being with this guy and my intuition was screaming at me to get out ASAP. I know he had good intentions and maybe he really had liked me in his own way, but there were just too many red flags with him. I didn’t want a guy who was love-bombing me, clingy, insecure and desperate. When he looked at me, it felt like he wasn’t really looking at me for who I was but for the person he hoped I could be to make him feel better about himself. No thanks. That’s the last thing I need in my life!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.