I Thought I’d Die Without Having Sex Regularly But It’s Turning Out To Be NBD

Once upon a time, I was a sex fiend. I was having it all the time either because I was in a relationship or I was hooking up with people. These days, however, I’m single and celibate. I thought not having sex would pretty much kill me, that I wouldn’t survive without it because I needed it so much. Turns out, I’m totally fine.

  1. I never used to go so long without having it and it’s kinda weird. I’ve essentially always had regular sex happening in my life. I was a serious monogamist and on the few occasions I wasn’t in a relationship, there was no shortage of hookups on the horizon. There weren’t really periods of my life that I went without having sex, so this is new to me to have a long period where I’m just not getting laid. It’s not good or bad, just interesting.
  2. I genuinely thought something terrible would happen to me while sexless. Because of my history of years and years of consistent sex, I didn’t know what’d happen if I went without it. I thought that I might shrivel up and die. I really didn’t think I’d be able to live without it. I knew that people did it, but I just didn’t think I’d be one of those people. I felt like I needed sex like I needed air to breathe. This turned out to be a lie.
  3. I’m not into casual hookups anymore. One of the biggest reasons I’ve gone without sex for so long now is that I don’t hook up with people randomly or at all anymore. I used to be the type of person who did it a lot, but no longer. I’m not into just having sex and then walking the other direction. It hurts my feelings too much and I get way too attached, so I avoid the casual types entirely.
  4. I’ve dated people recently but I like to go slow. It’s not like I’ve been totally alone this past year. I’ve definitely had plenty of opportunities to have sex, but I’d much rather take it slow. I like actually getting to know someone for a while and developing a relationship before we get physically intimate. Emotional intimacy is very important for me to have first, so while I’ve dated lots, it just didn’t last long enough for it to get physical.
  5. I’ve actually stopped myself from having sex. Like I said, I’ve had opportunities this past year to get laid. Sometimes this even meant that we had our clothes off and were very close to having sex. I stopped myself from going all the way because the timing or situation wasn’t right. This just prolonged the amount of time it’s been since I’ve had sex, but I’d rather do the right thing than sleep with someone in haste.
  6. Masturbation gets me by in the meantime. It seems like the obvious thing but it isn’t always. Masturbation has been a great tool for keeping me sane when I’m feeling horny and full of self-pity. I can push away my worries with the buzz of my battery-operated friend. Masturbation isn’t always as fulfilling as the real thing but in some ways, it’s even better. I’m grateful for this tool.
  7. Surprisingly, I’m not going crazy at all. I’m not fiending for sex or dying to jump someone’s bones (OK, maybe sometimes, but not all the time). I’m pretty content with my life despite the fact doesn’t contain sex at the moment. I know that it’s not going to be like this forever, so I can just mellow out until circumstances change. There’s no reason to fuss.
  8. Don’t get me wrong, I crave and miss it. I’m not some saint now who has been relieved of the human craving for sex. Of course not! I’m a person who has desires. It’s totally natural to desire sex—our procreation depends on it. So yeah, I crave it and miss it. I daydream about sleeping with people and I look forward to the day I do again.
  9. I have no idea when I’ll have sex again. It’s been a whole year now and I haven’t had sex with anyone. That’s a really long period of time to pass for someone with such a history of frequent sex. I never thought I’d see the day where this much time had passed. The funny thing is, I don’t even know when my dry spell will end and I’m cool with it.
  10. I’m waiting for when the time is right. There will come a time when I sleep with someone again. I just want it to be an experience I can feel good about rather than one that brings me pain and shame. One day soon enough, I’ll be in a long-term relationship and I’ll be with someone who’s lovely and kind. We’ll be together long enough for me to feel comfortable and we’ll have sex without reserve. In the meantime, I don’t mind waiting for that right time.
Ginelle Testa's an avid wordsmith. She's a queer gal whose passions include recovery/sobriety, social justice, body positivity, and intersectional feminism. In the rare moments she isn't writing, you can find her holding her own in a recreational street hockey league, thrifting eclectic attire, and imperfectly practicing Buddhism. Follow her on Insta!