I Thought I’d Never Get Over My Ex Until I Finally Accepted Who He Is

Even after our breakup, I spent a long time pining after my ex. All I wanted was to get back together because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get over him — that is, until I finally accepted that the man I loved no longer exists.

  1. The man I loved would never hurt me the way you did. I fell in love with a man who promised to love me forever. He was my best friend and he was the last person on earth I thought would ever hurt me but he did — at least the man he became did. He spent a couple months treating me like I was nothing, finally ended things, and then dragged the relationship on as if I was his backup plan. He hurt me in a way that I know the man I fell for never could.
  2. The man I loved always put me first. He never made me wonder if I was a priority in his life. I never doubted or questioned his love because he never gave me a reason to. At the end, though, I questioned everything and wondered if he’d been living a giant lie. He stopped putting me first and instead put me dead last when I was on his list of priorities at all. That’s when I knew we were headed for the end.
  3. The man I loved was kind to everyone around him. The guy who broke up with me was a total jerk, though. He put his own interests ahead of everyone else around him. He had no sense of compassion. It was like he was living out a Mean Girls fantasy in a man’s body. He was a jerk to everyone, but after our breakup, he was at his cruelest with me.
  4. The man I loved didn’t think he was better than everyone else. When we met I felt this incredible energy from him. He never thought he was any better or any worse than anyone around him. He was humble. The guy breaking up with me was a completely different story. He was arrogant. He boasted about how much better he was than his friends, family, and everyone else. He was a narcissist and I could never love a man like that.
  5. The man I loved had his head on straight. When I fell in love with him, he was focused on his career. He had dreams and goals that he was fighting for every day. Suddenly, he started to let go of those aspirations. He let going out be more important than his business. He lost all sense of what he really wanted out of life and went from career man to party boy.
  6. The man I loved was honest. The man who ended things with me, however, was nothing but a liar. The man I once loved didn’t keep secrets from me. We had an open and honest relationship until he decided to throw that all away. He earned my trust and then he took advantage of it. I finally realized that he was full of crap and the person he is now is nothing but one big lie.
  7. The man I loved didn’t care what other people thought. The guy who broke up with me though was obsessed with his image. He constantly let other people’s opinions blind his own. The man I fell for couldn’t be influenced. He beat to the sound of his own drum, truly unique. He was who he was and I thought no one could ever change that, I guess I was wrong…
  8. The man I loved knew how to treat me the way I deserved. He respected me. He made me feel like we were the two luckiest people in the world to have actually found each other. He appreciated what an amazing girlfriend I was and he made it known that I was a total catch. The man at the end took me for granted. He made me feel like I was nothing and that’s not the man I agreed to love.
  9. The man I loved fought for our relationship. The guy I fell in love with fought for me every step of the way. The man I was with at the end just gave up. The man I loved was mature. He took our relationship seriously, but after he broke up with me, it felt like he had aged in reverse. Somehow he seemed to go back in time and turned into a total man-child.
  10. The man I loved was anything but selfish. The jerk that holds the same name now only cares about one person — himself. It’s about what he wants and what he needs day in and day out. I fell in love with a man who was generous, caring, and compassionate, but the man I left behind me was cold. He might look the same as the man I loved, but he definitely acts like a completely different person.
  11. The man I loved actually loved me back. The man who loved me told me that he would never stop loving me. We made plans to marry, have kids, and spend the rest of our lives together. He wanted to be with me just as much as I wanted to be with him. He never for a second made me doubt my love. The man at the end, he didn’t treat me with a single ounce of love. He made me feel insecure and like I wasn’t good enough. That man is not the man I fell for, not even close.
  12. The man I loved just isn’t here anymore. I used to want nothing more than for us to get back together, but I’m so over that. I finally realized that even if he wanted to be with me again, things would never be the same because HE’S not the same. He can’t erase all the things that he’s done and he can’t undo the changes he’s made. He is who he is now, and who he is now is simply a man I don’t love, don’t like, and don’t even know.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.