I Thought I Knew What I Want In A Guy & Now I Have No Idea

I’ve dated pretty much every kind of guy over the years. I didn’t have a “type” for the longest time and wanted to experience different things to figure out what I liked and what I didn’t. Eventually, I figured out what I want in a guy… except now it turns out I’m not so sure about that at all.

  1. I thought I wanted someone who challenged my worldview. But what I really want is someone who shares similar views. I thought I was intrigued being challenged by opposing views, but I find it more frustrating than satisfying. I don’t want to be told I’m wrong all the time. I want us to share a common understanding, especially about the big stuff. Agreeing about the big picture makes things easier for us in the long run, but I do still want him to have SOME different thoughts and opinions.
  2. I thought I wanted someone like me. But I think I prefer someone who’s got their own weird quirks and habits. Obviously I need to be with someone whose personality complements mine, but a little bit of tension spurs things forward. Sure, it can be frustrating to date a guy who’s messy since I’m a neat freak or to be with someone who’s an introvert when I like a good party, but a little bit of friction could be a good thing, right?
  3. I thought I liked someone who was more low-key. Now, I think I prefer someone who’s more outgoing. A quiet, mellow guy was always the type I was attracted to until I realized I’d rather have someone a little more adventurous. I prefer to be out and about and I want someone to share those experiences with me. I don’t want to watch life pass me by; I want to live it up with a great guy at my side. Of course, I don’t want someone who’s TOO wild, either…
  4. I used to be the more dominant one. Now, I appreciate when a guy takes a stand and makes decisions. What I once was against as a woman, I now promote as a lover. I want my guy to be strong and determined yet caring and humble. I want him to take charge and be a man while also being the best lover to me. I’ve come to my senses and realize it’s okay to be submissive sometimes. I won’t be all the time, though, so I need a guy who can work with me to find a balance. That totally exists, right?
  5. I used to have it all planned out. Now, I like a little surprise. My future was always clear with the guy in my life and now I prefer spontaneous. I find it exciting not knowing what will happen which is a lot more exciting than knowing everything. I don’t want a predictable life, I want to constantly wonder what’s coming next. That doesn’t mean I’m willing to accept a guy who half-asses everything and can’t commit, I just don’t want to have to lock everything down so solidly all the time.
  6. I used to hate being forced to do things. Now, I praise him for making me step out of my comfort zone. There are so many things I would never try unless someone made me, and a guy who does that for me is a winner in my book. I didn’t always like that but now I think it’s the only way I’ll really ever take risks. Obviously he needs to know that when I truly say no to something, I mean it, but some firm encouragement will go a long way.
  7. I used to have irrational fears. Now, I feel fearless. I was afraid of being let down by anyone I met because it was hard to trust them. I didn’t have a reason not to trust them, which made the situation totally irrational. I feel more relaxed than ever and I was afraid I would always have my guard up. Then again, if I start dating a guy who turns out to be shady, that tendency might come back again…
  8. I used to think you weren’t it. Now, I’m thinking you just might be. For all times I said I didn’t want someone like this, I realized I was just lying to myself. I was able to see the world differently, making it harder to decide what I actually want. Now the picture isn’t so clear because I’ve been shown a different way. But to tell you the truth, I’m okay with that. Maybe I never actually knew what I wanted, after all.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia