I Thought I Knew What I Want In A Guy & Now I Have No Idea

I’ve dated pretty much every kind of guy over the years. I didn’t have a “type” for the longest time and wanted to experience different things to figure out what I liked and what I didn’t. Eventually, I figured out what I want in a guy… except now it turns out I’m not so sure about that at all.

I thought I wanted someone who challenged my worldview.

But what I really want is someone who shares similar views. I thought I was intrigued being challenged by opposing views, but I find it more frustrating than satisfying. I don’t want to be told I’m wrong all the time. I want us to share a common understanding, especially about the big stuff. Agreeing about the big picture makes things easier for us in the long run, but I do still want him to have SOME different thoughts and opinions.

I thought I wanted someone like me.

But I think I prefer someone who’s got their own weird quirks and habits. Obviously I need to be with someone whose personality complements mine, but a little bit of tension spurs things forward. Sure, it can be frustrating to date a guy who’s messy since I’m a neat freak or to be with someone who’s an introvert when I like a good party, but a little bit of friction could be a good thing, right?

I thought I liked someone who was more low-key.

Now, I think I prefer someone who’s more outgoing. A quiet, mellow guy was always the type I was attracted to until I realized I’d rather have someone a little more adventurous. I prefer to be out and about and I want someone to share those experiences with me. I don’t want to watch life pass me by; I want to live it up with a great guy at my side. Of course, I don’t want someone who’s TOO wild, either…

I used to be the more dominant one.

Now, I appreciate when a guy takes a stand and makes decisions. What I once was against as a woman, I now promote as a lover. I want my guy to be strong and determined yet caring and humble. I want him to take charge and be a man while also being the best lover to me. I’ve come to my senses and realize it’s okay to be submissive sometimes. I won’t be all the time, though, so I need a guy who can work with me to find a balance. That totally exists, right?

I used to have it all planned out.

Now, I like a little surprise. My future was always clear with the guy in my life and now I prefer spontaneous. I find it exciting not knowing what will happen which is a lot more exciting than knowing everything. I don’t want a predictable life, I want to constantly wonder what’s coming next. That doesn’t mean I’m willing to accept a guy who half-asses everything and can’t commit, I just don’t want to have to lock everything down so solidly all the time.

I used to hate being forced to do things.

Now, I praise him for making me step out of my comfort zone. There are so many things I would never try unless someone made me, and a guy who does that for me is a winner in my book. I didn’t always like that but now I think it’s the only way I’ll really ever take risks. Obviously he needs to know that when I truly say no to something, I mean it, but some firm encouragement will go a long way.

I used to have irrational fears.

Now, I feel fearless. I was afraid of being let down by anyone I met because it was hard to trust them. I didn’t have a reason not to trust them, which made the situation totally irrational. I feel more relaxed than ever and I was afraid I would always have my guard up. Then again, if I start dating a guy who turns out to be shady, that tendency might come back again…

I used to think you weren’t it.

Now, I’m thinking you just might be. For all times I said I didn’t want someone like this, I realized I was just lying to myself. I was able to see the world differently, making it harder to decide what I actually want. Now the picture isn’t so clear because I’ve been shown a different way. But to tell you the truth, I’m okay with that. Maybe I never actually knew what I wanted, after all.

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