I Thought Love Would Find Me But I Now Realize I Have To Make An Effort

I used to think that finding true love was all about luck, that if I hoped and wished for it long and hard enough, I might eventually be fortunate enough to find it. However, it wasn’t only until I got off my butt and started putting in the work that I finally got some traction.

  1. I think I’ve learned by now that life isn’t like a fairy tale. It would be so nice if I could just sit in a tower for, like, 10 years and then magically get rescued by a prince who also happened to be my one true love. I mean, how simple would life be if that’s how we found our soulmates? It sounds so easy—maybe a little TOO easy. I used to think that life worked that way when I was a teenager, but now that I’m older and have quite a bit of dating experience under my belt, I know that love requires a lot more effort than that.
  2. I should be going on one date a week minimum. I have absolutely no right to complain about how I never seem to meet the right guys unless I’m actively putting myself out there to actually do so. If I’m not going on at least one date a week, I know that I’m not doing everything I can to find my soulmate. It’s as easy as saying yes to any of the plethora of messages I get on Tinder or Bumble.
  3. There have always been ways to find dates if you want them. Some people say that dating apps have killed romance, but in my opinion, it’s no different than going to the sock hop or disco every weekend. You’re wading into the dating pool and sometimes that’s all you need to do to get some action. The idea that some guy is going to come up to you on the street and ask you out just because he’s so taken by you is not a thing. The chances of that happening are pretty much slim to none.
  4. Staying home is comfortable but it was killing my love life. I resigned myself to a life of lounging and Netflix a few years ago and would happily turn down invitations with pride, insisting that I was just going to stay in and relax. I was so smug about putting myself first. Unfortunately, when you do that often enough, “myself” was the only person I had left.  I was alone and the chances of finding a partner were pretty much nonexistent.
  5. Saying no to every offer that came my way wasn’t doing me any favors. I’m notorious for saying no to people who ask me out. It’ll usually be for a completely silly reason like that he has the wrong color hair or I don’t like his name—something ridiculous. I decided that if I ever want to meet “The One,” I’m going to have to start saying yes at least some of the time. Even if I have the instinct to say no, I’m promising myself to say yes.
  6. It’s weird to be struggling with love when we have apps on our side. Seriously, the fact that we have a full database of all the single people in our local area is a blessing. A lot of people like to complain that using dating apps is basically pointless because everyone flakes out last minute or there are only weirdos on there, but it’s really just a matter of doing it right and doing it often. Eventually, the numbers will be on your side. They have to be, right?
  7. I was spending too much time wishing and not enough time doing. I’m a very imaginative person. Ask me what kinda guy I want to be with and I’ll be able to give you an incredibly detailed answer like that. For some reason, I used to think that sitting and wishing would make him come to fruition. Not so.
  8. Thinking like a dude comes in handy. Guys have this attitude towards dating where they just keep trying because they’re not easily deterred. They’re persistent even when the signs are pointing to no. This is how I try to go about dating these days and it’s actually working out really well.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.