When my boyfriend finally dumped me, I found out that he never really loved me at all. Admittedly, I was shocked—I thought we worked well together and that we were truly in love. Turns out, that was all in my head.
He never once actually said he loved me.
I didn’t realize that until I thought about it. Despite the fact that he never voiced those three little words, I was treating him as if he had. I was baking him random things for no reason, thinking about him as I hummed love songs, and just generally daydreaming about him constantly as if he was my own Prince Charming, not even taking notice of the fact that it was all one-sided. I was living in a dream world.
I was running on love fumes.
Everyone knows that the hormones that are released when you fall in love with someone can seriously cloud your judgment. Let’s just say that I wasn’t coming from a place of objectivity in my last relationship. It’s insane how the “high” you get from falling in love can truly make you do impulsive, out of character things. I was spending all this money on him and seriously couldn’t get him out of my head. I guess the old adage is true: love can drive a person crazy.
My imagination got the best of me.
I was making him out to be way more princely and perfect than he actually was. If he so much as gave me one sweet look, it translated to him being head over heels in love with me and never wanted to let me go. I saw him as my other half, which ended up being so far from the truth by the end. In the moment, though, my love for him took over and made me (mistakenly) think that he actually felt the same.
It was clearly too good to be true.
For some reason, the relationship felt perfect… at least for the first few months. I think it was because I was treating him like this perfect guy who loved me the same way I loved him and then BAM! I was rudely awakened several months later when he broke it off and told me that he didn’t love me in the same way. So sad.
I was blinded by my bias.
I mean, of course I wanted to err on the side of believing that my boyfriend loved me—who wouldn’t do that? I guess I was being a little naive, but I couldn’t help but assume that we were on the same page that way. After all, why would he be with me if we weren’t? Even when I looked at our relationship from an outsider’s perspective, it was going pretty well, or so I thought. Clearly things aren’t always what they seem.
When he dumped me, reality hit.
The second I found out that he didn’t love me even though he was acting like he did, every single thing he did that was unkind/uncaring came rushing to mind. All those times he was late meeting me, all those times he asked me to do him a favor knowing I loved him too much NOT to do it—ugh, it makes me so mad just thinking about it.
I was totally ignoring the red flags.
I’m sure there were several times when it was clear as day how he truly felt about me, but I was too blind by my own love for him to see. When I go back and analyze his behavior, it was really always about him. He didn’t listen to me or consider me at all. I was always there to hold space for him, but he couldn’t do it for me. I should’ve seen this earlier.
I have my guard up now in relationships.
Maybe it’s a good thing that this happened to me because now I’m not a total naive romantic. I mean, I still believe in love and hope to find it, I just have another part of me now that can see past the fluffy pink love clouds that are fogging up my vision.
He loved the idea of me.
This is so classic, but I figured that since he dumped me and confessed he didn’t feel the same way, he probably loved the idea of me more than the real me. Isn’t that how every new relationship goes? You get together with someone and fall in love with the ideal version of them, only to find out who they really are months later. I guess we were both guilty of doing that.
I’m an idealistic person, so it’s all too easy for me to see people in a positive light.
It’s not my fault that I see people in this way, but my boyfriend isn’t unique in that sense. I assume the best in almost everyone. Even if you personally wrong me or have done something that most people would consider to be unforgivable, I’ll still see the good. I tend to see life through rose-colored glasses, but from now on I’m gonna take them off every now and then to protect myself, especially where love is concerned.
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