I Thought I Met “The One” Because I Misread The Signs—Here’s What I Got Wrong

He was so charming, kind, and totally crazy about me. We had great chemistry and I thought that meant he had relationship staying power. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Here are the signs I missed that I was mistaking Mr. Right Now for Mr. Right.

  1. He was living in the moment. I found it refreshing that he didn’t like to plan ahead for dates and that he was always down for whatever and because he liked living in the moment. Looking back, this was a clear sign that he didn’t think the relationship was going anywhere so he didn’t put any effort into it.
  2. He was keen on keeping it casual. He wanted to keep things “as they were.” In other words, he wanted to float along in a relationship without actually having a destination. Ugh. Not fun. I like to know where we’re going and feel that we’re building something real.
  3. He was still coming on strong, which was weird. Here’s where the mixed messages came into the picture. One the one hand, he liked going with the flow; on the other, he was always love-bombing me. I thought that must mean he really, really liked me. Wrong! He was just trying to hook me. Sadly, it worked.
  4. He wanted to see me all the time. Part of his love-bombing strategy was wanting to see me all the time. We could go our separate ways after an afternoon date and by the evening, he’d be texting to see if I wanted to grab dinner with him. After an hour’s chat on the phone, half an hour later he’d be texting me something cute or funny. I got swept up in the romance without thinking that he was just filling up his time with me because he had nothing else going on.
  5. He wanted to meet my family right away. I thought this was an amazing sign! After our second date, he asked if he could meet my folks sometime. Uh, rushing much? Looking back, I see that he was so keen to try to be the perfect guy who was interested in me. Meanwhile, his actions were downright creepy. Who wants to meet someone’s parents after knowing them for a few days? He was acting so fast that he was leaving me spinning.
  6. He wanted to rush through the milestones. He wasn’t just rushing to meet my folks but also rushing through all the dating milestones. He kissed me on the first date, which was great, but then he was holding my hand and bringing me expensive gifts. It’s like he couldn’t wait to lock me into a relationship. And then more mixed messages came along…
  7. He couldn’t put a label on it. He was acting like my boyfriend even though we’d only gone on a few dates. That was the first red flag. However, strangely enough, he was also against the idea of having relationship labels! WTF? That should’ve been a giant red flag that had me running for the exit. I now know that mixed messages are a clear sign that the guy’s anything but Mr. Right. Come on, the relationship label is important!
  8. He was a little too nice in the early stages. When we met and started dating, the guy was a perfect boyfriend. He was so charming—perhaps a little too charming. He was so nice and always keen to bend over backward to match my needs. Unfortunately, this didn’t last for very long. After a few weeks of dating, he changed. He’d obviously been putting on an act.
  9. He had dating clichés on hand. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. You’re like my soulmate. Gosh, you’ve left me in awe! He stormed in with loads of that romantic, sappy stuff. At first it made me feel like he was interested in me, but after a while, it started to feel wrong. He was OTT and that’s always a bad sign. BTW, what does it mean when someone says you’re “like” their soulmate? Just asking.
  10. He was desperate. Remember how I said he wanted to see me all the time? Well, I didn’t realize it at first but the guy was desperate. He could spend the whole day on a date without having anything else to do with his time like work or pursuing a hobby. He wanted to spend hours on the phone at night, telling me how much he liked me and how he couldn’t imagine his life without me. The guy was desperate to change his life, stop being single, and find someone. He wasn’t actually in love with me but the idea of having someone. If it hadn’t been me, it could’ve been anyone else in the world. He even sent me some desperate texts at times, like, “Can I come over right now?” There’s the door, Mr. Right Now. Don’t come back.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.