I Thought I’d Never Get Over My Ex But I Actually Did Pretty Much Immediately

For the first time, I’d found someone who made me believe in fairytale romance. Everything was perfect between us… until one day, it all came crashing down. I thought for sure that this guy would be the man I never stopped pining for, but then I surprised myself by getting over him faster than I could’ve ever predicted.

  1. It felt like he was custom-built for me. Everything from his personality to his hobbies to the way he looked was exactly what I wanted in a man. I’d never felt chemistry like I experienced with him, and for the first time in my life, I really thought I’d found someone that I could just be myself with. I’d never believed in the idea of soulmates until he and I started dating, and I thought that my search for true love had finally concluded.
  2. I even told my friends that I’d be “ruined” if it ended. I’d dated guys before knowing that we probably wouldn’t be together forever, but I really thought this man might’ve been The One. More than that, he was just so genuine and kind, and I remember sitting down with one of my best gal pals and telling her that if he turned out to be a jerk, I’d give up on men forever. Of course, I said it hypothetically — I didn’t think there was any way that my then-boyfriend would pull a douchebag move on me, which made it that much worse when he did.
  3. He blindsided me with a breakup. One day everything was perfect and he was telling me that he really saw a promising future with me, and the very next day, he was standing on my porch dumping me after dropping me off at my house. Even though he’d clearly been thinking about it for a while, it came out of nowhere for me. It felt like a sick joke, like at any point he’d wrap me in his arms and ask how I’d ever think he’d be capable of something like that. But it wasn’t a joke, and for the first time in my life, I thought my heart was truly broken.
  4. I learned that he’d been lying to me from the start. As it turned out, our whole relationship was built on BS — he’d been using me as a way to get back at and get over his ex, and while our relationship had apparently gotten on her nerves, he’d never gotten over her. It turned out they’d been talking the whole time we were dating despite him telling me that he’d blocked her number and social media profiles. The man I thought would never lie to me had apparently been lying to me from day one, and I was sure I’d never get past it.
  5. The first and second days were pure hell. I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t stop crying. I shut myself away in my room and stared at the wall, wondering how I’d ever muster up the strength to get out of bed again. I wasn’t just hurt — I was embarrassed to tell my friends and family that the guy I’d been so crazy about just days ago turned out to be just like every other basic loser I’d ever dated. I thought this was just the beginning of a long road of heartache, trust issues, and crying myself to sleep over what could’ve been.
  6. The third day, I was totally fine. I woke up just a few days later feeling like a new person. Why had I wasted a single tear on that guy anyway? I got up, showered, put my makeup on, and cooked myself a hearty breakfast. I went about my day just like I had before my ex had ever entered my life, and while part of me wondered if my brain was just in crisis mode and making me feel better so I didn’t waste away, it turned out that I never missed my ex again.
  7. I was still bitter, but not sad. To be fair, it wasn’t like I suddenly developed positive feelings over the whole ordeal. I was (and honestly still am) pretty salty over how it all went down, but I didn’t long for my ex’s company or wish that we could’ve worked things out. If anything, I was annoyed that someone could put on such a front to make me think that he was so into me, only to turn out to be a lying jerk the whole time. Rude.
  8. My head conquered my heart.After a lot of introspection, I realized that the reason I got over my ex so quickly is because I started to see him for who he truly was instead of just who I thought he was. I approached the situation logically and was able to separate my feelings from reality. I’ve struggled a lot in the past with letting my emotions get the better of me, so the fact that I was able to think my way to happiness and let logic win was a huge personal victory for me.
  9. Now I see that I’m way better off. I’ve run into my ex a few times on the street, and while I’m able to be friendly with him again despite what he did, I no longer see him through rose-colored glasses. I cringe at the thought of staying in a relationship with such a dishonest person, and I’m grateful that the truth came out when it did. I’ve found someone else who’s way better for me, and I never would’ve met him if things had continued with my ex.
  10. The experience taught me how resilient I truly am. Looking back now, I’m surprised at how weak I thought I was. I can’t believe there was a time when I thought I’d let myself fall apart over a man for more than a few days, especially knowing how quickly I got over someone I was so into. I see the whole thing as a learning experience, and now I’m grateful for it — I proved to myself that I can handle whatever life and love throw at me, and I know now that even when it seems like the world is crumbling down around me, I’ll still come out on top.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.