I Thought My Relationship Was Solid… Until I Was Dumped For A Reason That Made No Sense

My ex-boyfriend had a very surprising reason for breaking up with me: he said that I was getting “too expensive” and it totally caught me off guard. I mean, I’ve heard that money complicates things, but this seemed kind of ridiculous. This is my side of the story.

I never pressured him once to pay for me.

The crazy thing is that I never expected him to pay for me; in fact, I always made sure that I offered to pay my share. I have this ingrained sort of guilt surrounding money and wouldn’t dream of dating a guy for free stuff. It’s just not who I am.

He had it in his head that I was expecting him to pay for everything.

Maybe it had to do with his past relationships, but he seemed to have it in his head that he had to be the “provider,” even later on in the relationship when things are a little more chill/the need to impress isn’t quite so intense. I remember giving him cash for concert tickets he bought and he outright refused to take it, saying that “the man should always pay.” That kind of thing is fine occasionally, but I don’t want the guy I’m seeing to eventually resent spending so much money on me, and that’s exactly what happened.

He bought a lot of frivolous things, so I don’t get it.

 When he told me that he was breaking up with me because he’s running out of money, I looked around his apartment and saw a new sound system and gaming monitor, so I just didn’t understand. If he really was low on money, then how is it that he could afford all of that swanky stuff?

I’m the polar opposite of a gold digger.

I was never spoiled as a kid; both of my parents were penny pinchers, and even when my Grandpa gives me a twenty dollar bill, I still feel bad about taking it. I always need things to be even in my relationships. That’s why when a guy spends a lot of money on me, it actually makes me nervous because then I think, “What if he ends up holding it against me?” Guess I wasn’t wrong to worry about that.

We did actually go dutch sometimes.

Every time we went out, I offered to pay for my half of whatever it was we were buying. Sometimes he would say yes, but most of the time I’d have to fight for my right to pay. It sucks because I did actually try to cough up the cash on many occasions, but he was too proud to let me. Look where that got us!

I tried to “pay him back” with expensive gifts.

 When it came to holidays and birthdays, I went all out and got him super high-quality stuff as well as gift cards that he actually wanted to use. I was kinda keeping track in my mind of how much he was spending on me so I could pay him back, so to speak, through gifts. He still felt like I was taking advantage of him somehow and I don’t get it.

As he often told me, he sincerely believed that the guy should always pay.

He believed with every bone in his body that the guy should ALWAYS pay, no matter what. It’s an antiquated idea and one that I certainly didn’t subscribe to but he was insistent. The problem with that kind of thinking is that it tends to lead to the mindset that if you don’t have the cash to spend, you’re not worthy of the relationship. Money certainly doesn’t buy happiness but this guy thought it did.

I slid him a lot of bills.

Just sayin’… I was constantly offering him cash and sometimes he would take it, sometimes he wouldn’t. That’s why I think he was being a little dramatic when he said that he just couldn’t afford to spend money on me anymore. I spent a fair amount of money on him AND split the bill whenever I could, so what more does he expect from me?

I could have taken advantage of him but I didn’t.

I seriously could’ve just sat back and taken advantage of his generosity, but that’s not the way I roll. Maybe it’s because the fear of being resented later on is so strong in me that I won’t allow guys to spend too much money on me or maybe it’s just cause I’m a decent human being. Either way, I wouldn’t ever do that.

Why did he even get in a relationship with someone if he knew he didn’t have the means?

 If he’s so stuck on always being the one who pays, why even get into a relationship? This is what frustrates me so much about guys. They’ll get distracted and swept up in “falling in love,” but don’t take into account on whether or not they’re actually ready to enter a relationship with someone. Chances are, he was using the money thing as an excuse because he just didn’t want to be with me anymore, but either way, it was a load of crap.

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