15 Thoughts You Inevitably Have After Bad Sex

Some intimacy is absolutely toe-curling. It’s the kind of passionate, rough, fantasy-inducing intimacy that will make you fall in love, obsess, or just plain brag about the person you’re seeing. The funny thing about great times is that you often don’t know you haven’t experienced it until you’ve actually had it.

Then, there’s bad experiences. Bad experiences is a lot like bad food; you’ll know it’s mediocre from the get-go. And, much like eating at Applebee’s, bad experiences is always disappointing. If you’ve ever had any of these thoughts, then you’ve had bad intimacy.

  1. “I’m bored. I wonder what’s up on YouTube?” If you’d rather watch funny cat videos than have intimacy, then you’ve definitely had really awful bedroom activities. If you’re thinking this while the guy is pounding you, then you probably should just end that session right then and there.
  2. “I didn’t even feel anything.” Good times will have you feeling something, whether it’s that magical spark between two lovers, or the delightful feeling of getting touched in all the right places. Intimacy, by no means, should ever feel numb. If you feel you’re just going through the motions, or if you literally can’t feel anything, it’s not good.
  3. “I’m pretty sure at least one of us was faking it.” Faking it is a bad sign. ‘Nuff said.
  4. “That was it?” Some people do enjoy a quickie. But there’s a difference between a quickie and a one-thrust wonder, and that’s usually where the line gets drawn.
  5. “Why the hell wouldn’t this guy just finish already?” This is actually the opposite of the classic “Minute Man” problem that would spark thought #4. While most guys think that women want to have a marathon lover, the truth is that most women will get bored somewhere after the 20 minute mark of actual in-and-out. After about 40 minutes, most women will be pretty bored. After an hour, they’re going to be wondering what’s wrong.
  6. “Ugh, gross.” If you ever have this thought, the experience was bad. Doesn’t matter what made you think it.
  7. “I hate myself.” Good times never involves you feeling awful about yourself.
  8. “I don’t feel too good… I think I need to puke.” This thought may or may not be related to whatever could spark #6. Generally speaking, having intimacy while sick sucks.
  9. “Here we go again…through the motions.” This thought’s even worse than realizing that one of you (at least) is faking, because if you’re just going through the motions, you probably aren’t even bothering trying to fake it anymore.
  10. “That should have shut him up.” Having it to silence someone is never a good thing, and technically, it’s not even consensual on your end. If you feel like you have to put out just to keep your guy happy, you’re looking at a bad relationship filled with crappy experiences.
  11. “I could use a stiff drink.” Clearly, the other stiff thing you’ve experienced isn’t making you feel too good if this thought crossed your mind. Be it from solid regret, solid digust, or solid underwhelm, the need for hard liquor to purify your mind is a clear sign that bad intimacy has happened.
  12. “Seriously, what the hell was he doing?” This is a thought that is only reserved for the most awkward of intimacy moves, or the most awkward of intimate fetishes. Either way, if you’re thinking this during a bed session, chances are that you’re not satisfied, and that he’s embarrassed.
  13. “Did he really go soft?!” A hard-on is kind of necessary if you want to have it with a male. A guy who can’t maintain it is a guy who most likely will not be able to please. Need I say any more?
  14. “WTF?” This is a thought you might have if the session he wants to have is way too weird for your taste. It happens.
  15. “Well, that was embarrassing…” Intimacy goes wrong once in a while. Sometimes, it’s the guy’s issue, other times, it’s yours. Other times, stuff just happens. At times, you can recover from it and still have a great session and laugh it off. Other times, it will make you want to run out of the room crying. If it’s the latter, then it’s likely bad sessions.

Bad experiences can and does happen to good lovers, so don’t take it personally if it happens to you. More often than not, it’s about finding the right partner, the right communication, and the right chemistry…and at least one of those things can always be improved.

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.