Your plans for the night aren’t the biggest decision you’ll ever make, but they still manage to trigger an existential crisis within you, don’t they? No matter what you choice you arrive at, you question yourself and you always end up wondering what could have been. The thoughts that follow your decision to stay home for the evening will tear you apart and comfort the crap out of you at the same time.
- “I should have gone out.” There’s an infinite supply of booze and men out there. There’s also fun, giggle fits and late night pizza. You’re instantly filled with regret, but then you look in the mirror and realize how much work it would take to make yourself publicly presentable. You’ve already taken your pants off and you let yourself backslide into frumpy filthiness the second you got home from work. It’s too late.
- “Nah, I’m glad I stayed in.” It’s warm here and it’s socially acceptable to walk around in your underpants. You can use your own bathroom and there aren’t any weirdos asking you what your sign is. Plus, you’re far less likely to take a meteorite straight to the skull when you stay in your apartment. Yeah. Logic.
- “Clubs are too loud.” It’s official. You’re in your twenties and you already hate excessively loud places with the same amount of rage as an entire retirement home. Teenage you would probably be ashamed, but adult you can’t seem to gather enough f*cks to give.
- “Crap. I sound really old.” That’s not necessarily a bad thing is it? Along with hip replacements and biting cynicism, old people are full of wisdom, life experience and lots of cool stories. Joining their Raisin Bran-eating ranks is an honor.
- “At least I’m saving money.” Oh yeah. You’re totally saving money while you sit there with your various streaming subscriptions, your second 24-pack of beer for the week and the huge cheesecake you bought because you felt like it. You are one badass thrifty bitch.
- “I wonder if my friends are having fun.” They’re making new memories without you. They have so much energy and you just feel like a blob. That does kind of suck, but you’re sitting here wrapped up in your Snuggie with some hot chocolate and a kung fu movie. Who’s the real winner here?
- “I’ll go out next time.” As long as it’s not cold, you’re not tired, you don’t have to wake up early the next day and all of your cute outfits aren’t dirty. There’s an art to mustering up the will to venture outside of your apartment for the night.
- “Why do I feel like I have to justify not going out?” You don’t go out on the town because you don’t wanna, but you can’t silence that judgmental voice in your head that’s making you feel like crap for it. You always seem to have a harder time convincing yourself that it’s okay to not go out than anyone else. Maybe you should shut that voice up with a little somethin’ somethin’ from your liquor cabinet.
- “Now I can’t tell if I’m lazy or just an introvert.” Either trait is fine as long as you’re not neglecting your health or developing an intense hatred for fresh air. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to avoid large crowds of people occasionally. Or all the time. People suck.
- “This has been a good night.” You relaxed and got some valuable alone time. Falling asleep in bed with a book is the best decision you’ve ever made. You’ll wake up refreshed in the morning. Your friends, on the other hand, will have throbbing headaches as they try to scrape their day-old waterproof mascara off of their eyes and their pillowcases. You should laugh, but you won’t because that will probably be you next weekend.
