“Maybe He’s Different Now” & Other Ridiculous Thoughts You Have When Falling For Your Ex Again

When a boyfriend becomes an ex, it’s usually advisable to cut off all contact and move on with your life. Of course, life isn’t always that black and white, and sometimes an ex will linger for a while, whether because he wants to be “friends” or he’s eventually hoping for a reconciliation. Everything is fine until you realize you’re starting to develop feelings for him again, and then you can’t seem to silence these thoughts:

  1. Maybe he’s different now. Obviously there was a reason you two broke up in the first place, and probably some of it had to do with not being compatible in some ways. But maybe enough time has passed that he’s a completely different person who’s actually perfect for you. It’s possible… right?
  2. It could work out this time. It didn’t work out last time, but you were both different back then. Circumstances were different. Everything was different. What’s so wrong with starting fresh and seeing where things go this time?
  3. We already know each other so well. Getting to know someone new from scratch is exciting and all, but it’s also kind of nice to just go back to something that’s comfortable. You never have to worry about farting in front of him, you already know his family and friends, and the sex would most likely be just as good as it was before.
  4. Maybe we’re meant to be. Why else would you still be in touch and spend enough time together to start developing feelings for him again? You clearly have a connection, and you’ve dated around enough to know that’s not something that’s easy to find.
  5. I’m more mature now. You’ve probably both dated other people in the time you’ve been apart, spent some time just being single, and learned a thing or two about what you’re looking for. Maybe now you’re better equipped to work through issues rather than let them end your relationship.
  6. What are my friends going to think? Depending on how your first break up went, your friends may or may not be happy about you considering reconciliation. They’re probably just looking out for you, but you’ll probably have to deal with a couple disgusted head shakes when you tell them you’re having feelings for him again. Maybe they have a point, or maybe they just need a little time to warm up to the idea.
  7. How do I put a stop to this? Sometimes those developing feelings are unwanted, and frankly, kind of terrifying. No one wants to get hurt by the same guy more than once, and if he did it before, there’s a pretty good chance he’ll do it again. Time to stop these feelings in their tracks, even if that means going radio silent for awhile… or for good.
  8. Why did we break up again? If it’s been long enough and your new feelings are strong enough, it’s easy to forget all the bad things that caused your break up the first time around. While starting fresh sounds great in theory, in reality, all that history between you two still exists, and the issues you had before aren’t going to magically disappear just because you want them to.
  9. Does he feel the same way? Just because you’re still carrying a torch for him doesn’t mean he’s on the same page. He could be perfectly happy with just being friends. If you drop a few subtle hints and he’s completely oblivious, you either have to bite the bullet and tell him how you feel, or swallow your feelings and hope they go away.
  10. Do I really want to pursue this? Once those feelings start to develop, there comes a point where you’re in way too deep to walk away without the closure of knowing for sure if it could work out this time. On the other hand, if you two are finally in a place where you’re comfortable being friends, maybe it’s not worth risking that. The back and forth is enough to drive a girl crazy.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.
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