If You Threaten My Independence, We’re Never Going To Work Out

I adore being in a relationship with someone I care about, but I also place a lot of value on my personal strength. I’m proud of who I am as an individual, so this is why I’ll never stay with someone who expects me to give up my hard-earned independence:

  1. I have big plans for myself. You aren’t the only thing worth living for, you know. I have plans and goals that evolved way before I met you, and being together won’t change that. They involve my growth and commitment to the world and what I love to do, and I intend on achieving them with or without your help. If you get in the way of that, there’s going to be a problem.
  2. I respect you and your independence. I know that we’ll both have things that we wouldn’t want anything to be involved in, such as a tradition or a personal hobby. I’d never impose on the solo activities that give you inspiration, so please don’t do that to me.
  3. I would never tell you that you can’t do something. The biggest mistake you can make is tell me that I can’t do something. I wouldn’t dare say something like that to you, because I have faith in your abilities and the kind of person you are. We’re supposed to build each other up, not tear each other down.
  4. Relying on you is just something I won’t do. Yes, I’ll lean on your shoulder to cry on when I need it most. But I promise I won’t rely on you to help me with things that I’m completely capable of doing myself. I don’t need you to tell me what you think I should do, what I should say, or where I should go. I’ve got it covered and I don’t need you to lead me — I just want you to come along.
  5. I’m a strong woman. I choose to be an empowering and inspiring influence on other woman around me. My ability to hold my head high prevents me from falling or letting anyone bring me down if they ever try to do so. Rather than being fazed by it, I’ll simply move on.
  6. My independence gives my inspiration. Being strong-headed means that I totally don’t need to seek inspiration elsewhere. I find it within myself knowing that each day, I got this. I wake up ready to conquer, and the last thing I’d want you to do is say that I’m too independent, or even worse, that it threatens your own independence.
  7. I need your support, not your opinion. There’s a difference between showing support and trying to put me on a preferred path you think I should follow. I share my life with you because I care about us growing together, not so you can tell me what I’m doing wrong and try to change me. If your opinions is negative, spiteful, or irrelevant, it will only tear us apart.
  8. I refuse to be controlled. If you try to undermine my authority over myself by trying to take over, we will never — and I mean NEVER — work out. I’m not the kind of woman who lets anyone put her in her place or make her feel inferior. Get a dog to control instead, because you’re sure as hell not going to pull me around.
  9. If I’m being held back, I won’t stick around for long. If for any reason I feel that I’m being limited or torn away from the things I enjoy and gain energy from, than I’ll evaluate your influence on that. I think sometimes we get sucked into toxic relationships and don’t realize until later just how much it’s affecting us. It’s like the things we once loved doing are put on a back burner. Sometimes the people in our lives bring more bad vibes than good ones, and if that’s what you’re doing to me, I’ll be going my own way.
  10. We’re a team, but I need my space. Regardless of how strong, independent, sassy, and firm I am, I’ll always consider us a team. I expect us to be able to love, grow, and inspire others through how awesome we are together, but I’ll also need us to respect one another’s independence and personal space.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia