It’s Time To Stop Trying To Impress Guys & Let Them Impress You

We go to great lengths to catch guys’ interest and when worry ourselves to death that we’ll do something to lose it. Are we cute/thin/funny/good enough? Who cares? We’ve wasted so much time and sanity analyzing our behavior, guys’ behavior, and for what? To convince men they need us and we’re awesome? Forget that—let’s let them impress us instead.

  1. It’s not like this in the animal kingdom. We’ve all watched National Geographic. The males of most species are the ones that have the fancy colors, the enchanting calls, the seductive dances and other mating rituals. They’ll fight other males to the death and do everything in their power to maybe win the female’s attention. She just waits, observes, and decides. We should put this into practice in our own lives—sure, we don’t need guys to fight over us, but we shouldn’t fawn over a guy who isn’t willing to actually put some effort into showing an interest.
  2. Guys should be willing to prove they’re worthy of us. The instinct to procreate drives our desire to couple up in life but things are a little different for men and women. We only have one uterus and can only have so many babies, but dudes can spread their seed wherever without limit. Why shouldn’t we be a little choosier when deciding which guy is the best for us? It’s all about supply and demand.
  3. We didn’t always have to bend over backward to try to get a guy’s attention. Up until about 100 years ago, we still had all the choice in the world when it came to eligible bachelors. The wars, World Wars I and II in particular, killed off many of the men. The population of women, especially widows, tipped the scales. With fewer eligible bachelors, women started getting lonely and guys started getting lazy. It seems like that trend has continued all these years later and we’ve just accepted it. We need to up our standards again, ladies.
  4. Old habits die hard—we’ve have been competing with each other ever since. Once we started competing, we didn’t stop. We just kept upping our game and outdoing each other. Fast forward to today and this crap has been accelerated by the ease of dating apps, which take virtually no effort to participate in, and reality TV shows like The Bachelor that pit women against each other. It’s entertaining to watch but it’s everything that’s wrong with our dating culture. We as women should be supporting and uplifting each other, not viewing each other as opponents.
  5. Men have the provider instinct, so why aren’t they using it more? There’s too much biology to deny here. Underneath it all, guys still want to do the chasing. Just think of how competitive they naturally are, whether it’s with sports or poker or work. They want to win and should be putting in the same or more effort into winning in their romantic lives too. Aren’t we worth it?
  6. Our desperation can be transparent and it’s definitely not hot. We come off as desperate and instead of making guys want us, it ends up having the opposite effect. A guy thinks to himself, “Hm, why is she trying so hard? Shouldn’t it be me persuading her? Does she not have other options?” Once we chill out and check ourselves, he’ll either take the reins or take off (and good riddance if he chooses the latter). We’re not desperate so we need to stop acting like we are.
  7. We should never lower ourselves to being a guy’s booty call. Janice Moss writes in an article for The Huffington Post, “Do not allow yourself to be a docking station just because you are lonely and he needs a place to plug in. This points to desperation and will never make a man love you. Men aren’t moved by sex, they’re moved by what they feel for the woman they’re having sex with.” In other words, we should never put out for a guy who’s not putting out time, effort, and real affection for us in return.
  8. We’re guilty of excusing bad behavior in other, more subtle ways too. Staying with them when they continue to see other women even though we want exclusivity and commitment; seeing them whenever they want and just accepting when they blow us off; putting up with Netflix and chill when we want to be taken on dates; waiting when they’re constantly late or flake altogether; always fishing for compliments and reassurance from them—these are just some of the ways we’re selling ourselves short with guys and it needs to stop.
  9. Worse than that, we’re enabling men to continue doing the bare minimum. Letting them only talk about themselves and topics they like; canceling plans with our friends because they called; mothering them by doing their laundry, cleaning, and/or groceries even though we don’t live there; acting nonchalant about their disappearing act when they reappear—is it any wonder guys think they don’t have to do much to get and keep us?
  10. We need to start demanding better. We’re waiting around for them to hand us the rose; we’re letting them set the pace and we’re not holding them accountable when they suck because dating sucks and we want to avoid starting over from scratch. If we all demanded more, guys would have no choice but to deliver. If there aren’t consequences, why would they change?
  11. If you have to try too hard, the guy you’re seeing is not “The One.” It needs to be easier for us here. We have to remember that we don’t NEED guys for anything—we just want them as an addition to an already full, happy life. We can handle our own within every aspect of our lives, thank you very much. They should recognize our value instead of overestimating their own.
Diana Jordan is a Canadian writer, editor, and small business owner. When not working or spending time with her family and friends, she volunteers with seniors and adults with disabilities in her community. Diana is also a passionate sports fan and a merciless Chess player.
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