If You’re Tired of Being Single & Lonely, Read This

Being single and being lonely don’t have to go hand in hand, but sometimes they’re the perfect storm that can make you absolutely miserable. It’s naive to think that you’ll never feel lonely, no matter how cool you are with being alone. When it happens, however, here’s what you need to remember to keep it from swallowing you whole:

  1. It could be worse. It’s a combo of tough love and a dose of reality as well as the honest truth. Things could always be worse. Think about how great your life is and how many good things and people are in it. You love your friends and fam, you wake up every day excited to keep killing your career, and you’re passionate to see what life has in store for you. Some people don’t have any of that.
  2. You’ve been lonely before. You’ve felt every negative emotion before and gone through hard times and you survived. You’re still here and you’ll survive this time too. The more you remind yourself that everything changes, particularly your feelings on any given day, the easier it’ll become to remember that and work through the tough times when they crop up.
  3. You’re building character. Strength doesn’t just magically appear — like anything else in life, it takes effort and hard work. When you feel lonely, remember that this is how character is built and how strong women get made. It may not seem like much of a consolation at the moment, but you’ll see the benefit in the long run.
  4. You’re doing your best. Sometimes you have to just admit that for today or this week or even this month, you’re doing your best. You can’t always ask for more. You might find work a little too stressful or have a tougher time balancing it all, and that’s okay. Let yourself feel your loneliness and work through it. You’re human, and that’s totally fine.
  5. You don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to be. Don’t feel like sitting at home by yourself tonight or this weekend? Text your BFFs and go for drinks. Or invite them over for snacks and wine (heavy on the wine). Ask your mom to have dinner. You have people in your life, and you don’t have to sit at home alone just because you don’t have a boyfriend.
  6. Loneliness inspires you to seek companionship. Feeling lonely is never a fun experience, but that doesn’t mean it’s not necessary from time to time. Sometimes you actually need to feel this way because it convinces you to keep trying when it comes to love and dating. If you never felt lonely, you would never want to date, right? If you want a partner in life, that might make things pretty difficult.
  7. You’re normal. If you need a reminder that you’re totally fine and normal, this is it. You’re just feeling what everyone feels at some point or another. There’s no point beating yourself up over it. It doesn’t make you a loser or a weak person, it makes you just like everyone else.
  8. You can learn from it. When you feel uncomfortable, that’s when the greatest lessons happen. It’s like twisting yourself into weird poses in yoga. You get so much more out of that than you do lying in savasana at the end. Use this time wisely and you might just have a total revelation about the kind of career you want or the kind of guy you want to date.
  9. You’re developing your empathy. When you feel compassionate toward yourself, that can help you feel that way toward other people. Just think about what a good friend you can be now that you’ve gone through this tough time yourself. You’re going to totally give the best advice ever.
  10. You won’t always feel this way. When you’re in the middle of a hard time, it’s hard to believe that things can change for the better, but they always do. They will this time too. You won’t always feel a crippling loneliness or wonder if you’ll ever find someone. It’s just for now.
  11. You will love being in love. Sure, sometimes when you love the idea of love more than the guy you’re actually dating, that can be a really bad thing. But when you go through periods of intense loneliness, that can be a nice reminder of how great it can be to have someone by your side. The next time you fall for someone, you’re honestly going to love being in love. You’re going to appreciate it so much more.
  12. You’re where you need to be. You might wish you had a serious boyfriend already or that you were one of those people who could go through life without feeling a single negative emotion (those people don’t exist, by the way). Remember that you’re where you need to be. This is it, this is your life, and it’s not any less beautiful or amazing just because you’re a bit sad right now. Look for the silver lining in anything and you will always find it. So you need to find the good parts of this time in your life, and you will come out on the other side.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.