You’ve probably been told that the guy of your dreams will come around when the time is right… but what if he already passed you by because you’re completely insufferable? It’s not all up to the right guy to come and find you; you have to be the kind of girl no guy would pass up. There are some universal qualities that no guy wants in a girlfriend, so if your goal is to be single, here is your to-do list.
You’re addicted to your job.
You stay late every night of the week, especially on your anniversary, and he’d better not complain about it. Women deserve to be career-oriented like men, and you feel the need to prove that by making it abundantly clear that he’ll never be your priority. He might as well count on adopting, too, because you’ll never prove every man in your industry right by going on maternity leave.
Quick trip to the grocery store? That absolutely requires a full face of makeup and the perfect “undone” beachy waves. Don’t ever expect anything less of the guy you are seeing, either. There is no such thing as a “casual date night”. You need the whole nine yards every time, because you know what? You’re worth it. Or you’re just awful.
You’re way too picky.
You really hate blond guys. No reason, really, but ending up with a dark-haired guy has always been your dream. You don’t like guys in blue collar jobs, either. Construction is just… beneath you. You need a Channing Tatum lookalike who works in finance and has one brother and one sister. He needs to be funny like Jimmy Fallon and as smart as Stephen Hawking, or it’s just not worth it.
You stink of desperation.
Wedded bliss and babies are on your radar, and your biological clock is ticking, so Mr. Right Now might just have to do for the long haul. Sure, he isn’t exactly what you had in mind, but you just can’t stand the thought of being alone for one more minute. You might as well ask the tough questions on your first date, like what kind of wedding he wants and what he plans on naming his second daughter. No point in wasting time.
New boyfriend? Say goodbye to all your friends, hobbies and interests that don’t involve him. Your friends know that when you’re seeing someone, you aren’t available for girl’s night like you were before. Why bother? You were only going out to meet a guy, anyway. No need for that now. And he better not even think about spending a Saturday night without you, because what will you do? You might as well just superglue yourself to his side, because you don’t plan on leaving it for the rest of time.
You’re a total nag.
Everyone knows every guy is just looking for a girl to replace his mother, right? He won’t get anything done if you aren’t constantly on his case about it, so technically you are helping. Nothing is off limits. You will pick out his clothes, tell him which route to take, tell him which of his friends are a bad influence, and call his boss when you think he isn’t living up to his full potential at work. You will turn him into the guy you want if it kills you, and he better appreciate it!
You’ve got no interest in trying anything new. Why bother when you already know what works? That fantasy he told you about the other night? You almost dumped him on the spot for even suggesting something he read in Cosmo. You never want to go anywhere but the same two places you go on vacation, and your regular restaurants are the only places you’ll eat. Great.
You’re a hermit.
You don’t need to actually try to meet someone. You can turn down all those offers your (probably only) friend makes to set you up. You can stay safely inside your comfort zone and never go anywhere but home and work, and your soul mate will still come along. If it’s meant to be, you shouldn’t have to do anything out of the ordinary in order for it to happen. All those people who take classes, try online dating and go out with strangers to find love are just trying too hard. You’ll have the last laugh when you find The One without ever leaving your house. Just wait.
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