I’m Tired Of Funding My Boyfriend’s Dream

Every woman loves a man with ambition. That’s why I never looked down on my boyfriend for wanting to be a painter. I know what it’s like to burn with passion for something, but six months in, I’m getting tired of funding his dream.

I’m starting to feel like a sugar mama.

There’s just something about reaching into your wallet on a weekly basis to give a grown man money that makes you feel like an ATM. My boyfriend and I have had serious discussions about where our relationship is headed. I asked him to move in with me and offered to give him money when I saw how much he was struggling, but I’m starting to feel like his sugar mama. I’m too young and cute to go down that road.

The financial inequality is affecting our relationship.

Most couples fight passionately and make up in the same way. My boyfriend and I fight but somewhere in the middle, I see this switch go off in his head. When he approaches me a day later asking for money, it confirms my suspicions. My boyfriend and I can’t even argue like a typical couple because he’s scared that if he pisses me off, I’ll withhold finances. Do you know how messed up that is? Having more money than my boyfriend is literally shaping our relationship.

My friends think he’s a deadbeat.

I’m so tired of having to defend my boyfriend. It was my birthday last week and my girlfriends took me out over the weekend to celebrate. Their constant questions and snide comments about what my boyfriend did—or more importantly didn’t do—for my birthday got me down. The worst part is that I can’t blame them. How many times have I told a friend she deserved better?

I can’t introduce him to my family.

This hurts mainly because I’ve met my boyfriend’s family and they love me as much as I love them. I always come up with excuses for why he can’t meet my family. Thankfully they live far away so they’re all plausible. If I introduced my boyfriend to my family, they’d worry about me or be really disappointed. It’s not that they want me to marry rich, it’s just that they wish the best for me. A starving artist is not high on any parents’ list for a good fit for their kids.

My financial situation is messed up.

This is a biggie. Before dating my boyfriend, my saving game was on point. I’d built up some savings that I planned on investing. I’ve managed to hold on to that little nest egg but it’s not getting any bigger. As soon as my check comes in, it disappears in a matter of minutes. Not only am I paying rent for our apartment but I buy groceries and give my boyfriend an allowance. After I put in my own needs, there isn’t much left. My mother has always encouraged me to save, so I’m a little resentful that supporting my boyfriend is getting in the way of that.

I feel like I’m enabling him.

My boyfriend got along in life just fine before he met me. He didn’t have a lot but he never starved either. What if my support is enabling him? I wonder if he’d be further along if he had no choice but to support himself. I’ve literally seen him turn down jobs in the name of focusing in his art. I seriously doubt he’d do that if I weren’t here. I guess I’ll never know, will I?

I wonder if he’s using me.

Yes, this thought has crossed my mind. I’m not blinded by love. In my experience, a lot of users give just enough to keep a relationship going, all the while taking as much as they can. My boyfriend isn’t that way. He’s thoughtful and attentive. He tells me over and over again how much he loves me and he shows it too. He cooks and cleans and every once in a while, he takes me out. That doesn’t sound like the behavior of a user.

It’s making me question my morals.

I believe in not judging a book by its cover and going through the bad times to be there for the good times. However, this relationship is making me doubt my morals. Have I changed into a horrible person who now doesn’t think those values are smart? Or have I been too idealistic and reality is now hitting me in the face? It’s a lot to handle when you thought you believed one thing, but now your beliefs are being challenged every day.

I’m finding it hard to see a future with him.

I love my boyfriend, but I don’t feel great about where we are. If I don’t feel good about us now, what kind of future could we have? Let’s say my boyfriend never finds a way to make a living with his art. Will I be the wife that forces him to get a job or the woman that breaks her back to support her entire family? Neither of those seems appealing. I think I may have to cut the cord.

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