I’m Tired Of Guys I Date Assuming I’m Desperate To Get Married

Obviously I’d love to find a great guy to form a real, long-lasting relationship with, but I’m not actually desperate to get married. Crazy, right? Um, not really. I’m all for walking down the aisle someday, but it’s not even on my list of priorities at the moment. So why can’t the guys I date actually believe that?

I have other things I want to achieve in life before marriage.

 I have priorities that rank well above finding Mr. Right and settling down for happily ever after. I’m working on myself, on my life, and on my goals. I’m not in any hurry to give up focusing on bettering myself in order to focus on bettering a relationship.

I take marriage seriously.

That means I’m not about idolizing the idea of marriage and pinning all my hopes and dreams for fulfillment on it. I understand the depth of the commitment that marriage takes, and I know it’s a lot of hard work. I’m not rushing to get married because I think it’ll solve all my heartache — in fact, I know a long marriage is more likely to create heartache than solve it.

I’m not ready for it.

It takes sacrifice to make a relationship last, and I’m not in the place to commit to that yet. By the very nature of a marriage, you’ve got to give up a lot of yourself in order to make this new thing work. I’m fairly young, and I’m still figuring out which parts of myself I like and which I want to work on. I am not ready for the level of sacrifice that a marriage would require.

I’m fine with just dating.

I’m not in a hurry to accelerate things to each progressive stage. I’d like to just enjoy spending time together and taking things as they come. I’d like to be able to really live in the moment with a relationship rather than pushing for something bigger all the time. There’s no fun in that.

I’m not banking my financial goals on it.

I’m always going to strive for financial independence, no matter what my relationship status. I’m not planning my financial future on the idea of “when I get married,” because there’s no guarantee that will ever happen anyway. Plus, even if it did, I’ll always be self-sufficient. I’m working on financial goals that make sense for my income alone because that’s what I’ve got going on in the foreseeable future.

I’m not that invested in the idea of marriage.

I think it’s got it’s strong points, for sure, but I also don’t think that it’s the only one true way to have a healthy commitment. The wedding planning thing is such a nightmare that I don’t even want to begin to figure out. I believe it’s possible to be with someone and be committed without putting a ring on it, so I’m a bit ambivalent towards the whole endeavor.

I’m not on a timeline.

I won’t die if I turn 30 without an engagement ring on my hand. In fact, I probably wouldn’t feel secure getting married until after 30. I think it takes a lot of time to get to know yourself and know what you really want, so I’m not too fussed about waiting for a long time (or possibly never getting married at all).

I’m not lonely.

I still want to be in love and I’d like to find a long-term partnership one day, in whatever shape that takes. But while I’m here in the meantime, I’m not too worried because I’m simply not lonely. I find a lot of fulfilling ways to spend my time, and I’m using my energy on friendships and family. Marriage doesn’t seem like a cure-all of loneliness to me anyway.

I’m not even sure I want to be married.

Tying my life to someone else’s that way would be a huge step, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for it. I think perhaps I’d feel ready if I met someone who I felt was really worth it. Until then, I’m not stressing about it.

I’m not desperate.

 We need to take a step back as a society and think about why there’s an assumption that women are desperate to get a ring on our fingers. It’s not only untrue, it’s sexist. Why isn’t that stigma applied to men? To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with wanting it, but painting us all in one broad brush is definitely wrong. Women are people too, and we’ve all got different desires and goals.

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