I’m Tired Of Having To Justify Not Wanting Kids—I Just Don’t Like Them, OK?

More and more people are choosing not to have children and they all have their own reasons. Whether it’s to concentrate on our careers, travel solo, or just because they prefer dogs, there’s no wrong reason to stay child-free. Personally, I just don’t like kids.

Lots of people who don’t want kids still like them. I’m not one of those people. I give people who don’t want kids a bad name—I’m one of the “selfish” ones. Some people have nieces and nephews or friends’ kids to play with. They take them out and hang out with them, they do over-priced activities with them, fill them with sugar and then send them home bouncing around like jelly beans. I prefer a quiet cup of coffee on my own without the soundtrack of squealing kids. I’d rather not hang out with a bunch of small people who act like they’ve taken a whole bunch of drugs and want to touch everything they see.

Kids are noisy, demanding, expensive, and smelly. Some of them are just downright mean too. They’re not cute; rabbits are cute because they’re furry and they don’t talk. Cats can be cute, though sometimes they can be selfish little jerks too. Kids aren’t furry and therefore are not cute to me. They require constant attention. And did I mention the noise? Even when they can’t talk yet, they’re still noisy.

Call me selfish if you want to. I don’t think my womanly duty in life is to grow something inside me and have to push it out of my vagina. I’ve got better things to do. There are enough people in the world already. You need a few of us to take one for the team and abstain from contributing to an already over-populated world with our spawn. You’re welcome.

I grew up with annoying younger relatives around me. I was always put at the kids’ table even when I was a teenager. I always had to act like the grown-up and look after the others, to be a good influence or whatever. They always put their dirty, smelly little fingers all over my stuff. They’d make me look really uncool. Life was hard.

I get it—parenting is tough. Despite all of this, I do admire people that have chosen to procreate. From enduring all the hormones to messing up your body to choosing a life with very little sleep, no personal space, and no disposable income… I know it’s a thankless job and I’m certainly grateful to my parents for all the sacrifices they made for me. That being said, I have no desire to live that life.

People tell me it’s rewarding but I think that’s a matter of perspective. I think I can live without that “reward.” There are other rewarding things in my life, like being able to leave the house in under one minute by simply putting on a coat and shoes without any tantrums. I’m also able to enjoy peeing without a small person shouting “MOM!” every two seconds. I enjoy my tidy apartment with no sticky finger marks on the coffee table. I can have proper conversations with my friends over coffee without a constant tugging on my sleeve and demand for attention. All of these are plenty rewarding to me.

I’ll be able to travel as much as I want to. I mean, I’ll probably be too busy working all the time, but in theory, I could. I can eat ice cream for breakfast without being a bad influence on anyone. I can make spontaneous decisions like buying ice cream at midnight (so I’ll have leftovers for breakfast—thinking ahead, see?) and I can eat Chinese food in my underwear. Generally, my life involves a lot more food than yours, that’s what I’m saying. Maybe people with kids who say childless people are selfish are just jealous of us eating junk food at inappropriate times and taking a dump in peace. Just sayin’.

I relish a life of freedom. I can swear properly without having to spell the words out. I can light candles in the apartment without fear of a child knocking them over and burning the whole place down (so long as I don’t have one too many wines and knock them over myself). I can drink as much wine as I want, go to bed whenever I want, and go to work without paying extortionate childcare fees. I’m privileged, I get that. However, I wish that anyone who calls me selfish would realize that I made my choice as much as they made theirs. I don’t hold parenthood against them so why is my childfree life an insult to anyone else?

Having babies is both miraculous and traumatic. There are pros and cons—many, many cons in my view—to being a parent. But seriously, if you created a whole new person, that’s quite a miracle even if he or she is annoying for a few years. Congratulations on stopping a small human from dying until they’re old enough to look after themselves—I can barely keep plants alive.

Read more:

Share this article now!

Jump to the comments