Honesty is generally the best policy especially when it comes to dating and relationships, but sometimes opening up too fast can give the right person the wrong idea about who you actually are. There is such a thing as “TMI”, and you should probably know when you cross that fine line between sharing and over-sharing. Here are some things you just don’t need to tell your guy — trust me, it’s for the best.
- How many people you’ve slept with. Can we just do away with this altogether? Who cares? Whether you were a virgin until you were 22 or you went through an extremely promiscuous phase called college, it really has nothing to do with what you’re looking for now, except that it has made you who you are. That’s the person he likes, so leave it at that.
- Your history of unrequited love. You’ve never actually hung out with the bartender besides when he’s hooking you up with free drinks, but you can’t deny there’s a little something flirty that happens between you. That being said, he’s a bartender, and for all you know, he’s happily in a relationship. Don’t mess with a new guy’s mind by telling him about everyone else who thinks you’re hot.
- That you don’t like his brother/best friend/mom/whoever. Fine, his brother acted like a major douche the first time you guys hung out together, but beyond setting your normal polite boundaries with him, you don’t need to spill your outright disgust. It is his brother, after all — don’t think it won’t offend him a little, even if he agrees that the guy was on his worst behavior.
- How amazing your ex was in bed. This one certainly isn’t a secret to your friends, but no new guy you’re dating needs to know your ex rocked your world in the bedroom and why. Your new man’s either going to worry that you’re not over him, or that he’ll never be able to compare. Not a great way to start things off.
- How much money you spend on beautifying. Naturally at some point in a relationship, finances become something to discuss, but for now, you don’t need to tell the new guy you’re dating exactly how much you spend on that face cream from France and your highlights every six weeks (and your nails, and your laser hair removal, and your eyebrow threading). Surely he appreciates it, and that’s enough.
- That you’re jealous of his ex. You probably know who his exes are, even if you’ve never met them. Some of them are probably glorious (or at least they seem that way on Facebook). While you might be a little nervous inside, he’s probably not thinking about her at all and wouldn’t get why you’re looking for trouble where there isn’t any. The intimidation will fade if there’s no reason for it, and you’ll know the difference a little further down the line.
- That your best friend/mom/whoever isn’t sold on him yet. If your girls are expressing doubts about your new man, that’s definitely something to take into consideration, but telling him about it probably isn’t going to help. If shy and awkward encounters are what’s hiding his true self, he’s only going to clam up more, and if he’s the rebellious type, he’s going to say screw your friends, which is never good.
- That you hate his style. Most people consider “constructive criticism” about the way they look just plain criticism. Would you like it if he suggested that you’d look better as a blonde? Maybe, but probably not. Instead of telling him what you don’t like from his wardrobe, try focusing on the things that you do like. It’s fine to make suggestions, but you’ve got to respect him for who is at the same time.
- That he’s terrible in bed. Actually… let’s revise. You don’t need to outright say that he’s bad in bed, but you absolutely should speak up about what could make it better while you still have the chance. Adopt the positive reinforcement approach similar to the clothing thing. “Yes, babe, now that I like…”