It’s one thing to screw me over. It’s another thing to screw over my best friend, my confidant, my partner in crime. That’s a line you just don’t want to cross, but you did, and now here’s what I want you to know:
- Screw you. She might have sympathy for you, but I’m never going to forgive you for making a beautiful girl feel like a piece of crap. She’s sweet, smart, and sexy. She has it all, which means your stupid ass just lost it all.
- You’re not good enough for her. But to be fair, no one is ever going to be good enough for her. Not unless they agree to walk around Sephora with her and take her out on weekly dates to The Cheesecake Factory. She deserves the very best, and I won’t let her settle for less.
- You’ll never get her back. I’ll make sure of it. Every time you text her, I’ll pour her a glass of wine or point her toward her sex toys. You don’t stand a chance with her anymore, because I’m there to remind her she doesn’t need your love or your penis.
- You messed with the wrong girl. You better hope you never run into me again in the future. I might not be strong enough to take a swing at you, but I’m a master at giving side eye and making bitchy comments. I’ll make you feel as crappy as you made her feel, guaranteed.
- I won’t let her question herself. I don’t want her to wonder what she did to lose you, even for a second, because she didn’t do anything wrong. You’re the only one who made a mistake. You might not realize it now, but one day you will.
- You didn’t break her. She might be single right now, but she’s nowhere near alone. She has her family, her pets, and most importantly, me. We’re not going anywhere.
- She’s out of your league. She’s got that ass, styles her hair like a pro, and kills the makeup game. Plenty of men would die to have what you willingly threw away. Did you realize that you messed up yet?
- I’ll help her find someone better. My part might be small. I might just encourage her to go out with the guy she’s been texting, but I’ll make sure she ends up with someone who actually deserves to be called her boyfriend.
- She has more balls than you do. She always speaks her mind and is unapologetic for her feelings. You could learn a thing or two from her. In fact, if you acted more like her, then you’d probably have better luck with relationships in the future.
- You’re lucky you spent a second with her. I’m thankful every time she barges through my door without knocking or sends me drunken Snapchats. She’s the type of girl you’d be lucky to have in your life, even for a short time. You might not have realized that, but I have.
