To The Guy Who Treated Me Like Crap & Then Came Crawling Back

You know who you are. You treated me like I didn’t matter, like I was replaceable and like I had no feelings. You cheated, ghosted, and broke my heart. Now, you realize I was worth the time and you’re “so sorry” for all of your bad behavior, but I have a few things to say to you, and “please come back” is not one of them.

  1. Shame on you! Didn’t your mother teach you better than this? (If she didn’t, then shame on her too!) You shouldn’t treat anyone the way you’ve treated me, and I bet I wasn’t the only one. What’s wrong with you?
  2. You seriously missed out. I’m amazing. No, really, I am. I’m smart, I’ve got a great career, and I’m hot. I’ve got a great guy in my life now and the sex is awesome. If you had stuck around, you might be riding this amazing wave with me — but really, you didn’t deserve me or this greatness.
  3. Thanks for being a jerk so I could actually meet a good guy. If you hadn’t been such a douchebag, I might not be with my amazing boyfriend, so I’d like to thank you, I guess. He’s great — like, really, really great — and I’ve done some amazing things with my life that I wouldn’t have done if you were still weighing me down.
  4. Never againOh, you say you’re sorry? You want me back? You didn’t realize what you were missing and there’s no one like me? I don’t give a single, solitary jerk. There will never be an “us” ever again, and there is nothing you can do to fix it. How does that feel?
  5. Grow the hell up. We’re not in college, and your frat boy behavior is pathetic. I should have seen you for what you were back then, but I didn’t. That’s my bad, but your BS behavior is all on you. A real man handles his stuff, is honest and doesn’t “ghost.” Only a weak man-child pulls that crap.
  6. Hindsight is 20-20. For both of us. Looking back, we both made mistakes. Yours were far way uglier and far worse, but mine were just downright stupid. I chose you, after all! But now that you’ve come crawling back (pathetically, I might add), I bet you look back at your own nonsense and realize you messed up big time.
  7. I hope you learned your lesson. I’m gracious enough to hope you learned your lesson and that you won’t ever do this to another woman. Really, it’s more for womankind that I hope this than for your own benefit, but hey, if it also works out for you, whatever. Maybe you’ve really changed and you aren’t an jerk anymore… here’s to hoping.
  8. I’m sorry. If, and this is a BIG if, I did something to chase you off, I’m sorry. I’m strong enough to admit I have plenty of flaws and maybe one of them got to you. I’m more sorry, though, that you were somehow led to believe your behavior was totally cool, and that I wasted my time on you.
  9. Goodbye (and good riddance, too). I don’t care that you think you’re different, that you’ve missed me or that you think we’re soulmates. I also don’t care that your next girlfriend cheated on you and took the dog. The dog deserved more than you, and karma is a real bitch.
C. is an aspiring yogi and Ph.D student who loves her dogs, bright lipstick and to travel. Find her on IG @drparko121314