I Told Him I Had Feelings When I Wasn’t Sure About His—Big Mistake

I thought that telling the guy I liked how I felt would be a good thing because he’d been giving me a few solid signs that he was into me. However, I wasn’t sure about his feelings for me before I expressed mine and I ended up getting rejected.

  1. I wanted to speak my mind. I was so crazy about this guy that I just wanted to scream it from the rooftops. At the very least, I wanted to tell him how I felt. I was consumed by that feeling of “now or never” that occurs when you’re in love. I didn’t want to waste a minute more of just being friends with this guy. I wanted to date him.
  2. I become obsessed with the idea of being together. Attraction is a weird thing. Once I started feeling things for this guy, I started to notice that other women were making moves on him. This further pushed me to tell him what was on my mind and in my heart. I could think of nothing else in the weeks leading up to the date when I would spill my guts to him. I just couldn’t deal with the thought of him dating someone else.
  3. I become strangely positive about love. I was floating on the clouds because of my feelings for this guy and that made me feel really and strangely positive about love. Maybe he was into me! He had definitely been flirting with me and spending more time with me. That had to mean something! Maybe we could take our friendship to the next level.
  4. I figured if I felt something, he could too. I thought this made sense, but sadly, it only makes sense to the person who’s crazy in love. In actual fact, it was about to backfire on me bigtime. Just because I caught some serious feelings for the guy didn’t mean that he was feeling any of the same stuff.
  5. I told him in person. Butterflies crashed our get-together. I was so nervous to tell him how I felt but I knew I had to do it. I also knew that I could back out at any minute but I’m stubborn. Once I get an idea in my head, I have to follow through with it. There was no turning back for me.
  6. Things did NOT work out. From butterflies to bullets. Damn, his rejection really hurt. I was hoping that his eyes would light up as he told me that he was feeling the same thing, but no. He told me he only saw me as a friend and didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Was there any rejection excuse lamer than that? Ugh.
  7. He claimed that he hadn’t meant to be flirty. I asked him about his recent flirtation and explained that I had thought he had feelings for me because of it. How embarrassing! He then admitted that he wasn’t actually flirting, or at least he hadn’t meant to. Wait, what? He said he was only being friendly. Right. Now I really felt like an idiot.
  8. I misread the signals. Maybe I was so into the guy that I wasn’t seeing or thinking clearly. I obviously misread his signals. I should have had more patience. If only I’d kept a cool head and dug a little deeper into his behavior, I might’ve seen that he wasn’t actually interested in me in that way.
  9. Am I completely to blame, though? I don’t want to shift the blame here, but I can’t help but think that I wasn’t totally to blame for misreading the situation. I mean, the guy had been really flirty with me over the previous months. He also invested a great deal of time and effort into me. Had that really all been “friendly”? Could’ve fooled me! I’m not saying the guy led me on, but it sure feels a bit like that…
  10. I have a phobia now. This experience really hurt me. I left the coffee shop feeling like such a tool. It has made me much more cautious when it comes to matters of the heart, and I don’t think I’ll ever allow myself to become so obsessed with someone before I know 100% where they stand on the issue. I know it’s cool to make the first move sometimes, but damn. I’m not sure it’s worth the risk.
  11. Our friendship was never the same. The saddest result of my actions was that the guy and I were awkward with each other for many weeks after my declaration. Our friendship never really got back to the carefree and comfortable space that it inhabited for months, and it eventually fizzled out. It sucked, but it did make me wonder if our friendship had ever been real. If it was genuine, wouldn’t we have managed to go back to how things were?
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.