He said he loved me and I believed him, but when I finally plucked up the courage and trust to reciprocate his feelings, he started checking out of the relationship. WTF?
I’d been playing hard to get. When we first met, I didn’t make it easy for him to catch me. I kept myself at a bit of a distance so that he had to work to impress me and get him to date him. It wasn’t about playing games with him but more about opening up to someone when I felt I could really trust him.
He chased me and he loved it. He pursued me like I was the only woman on the planet. He showered me with his undivided attention, gave me gifts, and wanted to see me all the time. It was quite overwhelming but really cool to be on the receiving end of it.
Eventually, I caved. I could see that he was really into me and I was enjoying getting to know him. I really liked this guy and I thought it was safe to let my guard down and date him properly since he’d made his feelings crystal clear. Why wait any longer, right?
He told me he loved me. It wasn’t a surprise when he told me that the loved me. Based on his previous actions, I’d seen it coming and welcomed it. I then told him I loved him back and I thought we were well on our way to having LTR bliss.
He flipped a switch. Just when I thought it was cool that the chase was over and we were starting something real, he started behaving strangely. He wasn’t giving me as much attention as before and instead of making me feel like I was a queen, he was making me doubt his feelings. What the hell?
So much for being reliable. During the few weeks we’d been together, he set the precedent of being true to his words. If he said he’d text or call, he would. I could depend on him like clockwork. But now that was changing. He’d leave my messages unread for hours and sometimes it felt like I was the one who had to chase him.
He accused me of changing. I thought he was changing his mind about me, but a few weeks into our relationship, he claimed that I wasn’t the woman he’d started dating. Wait, what? I was exactly the same person all along… I mean, I think I was?
The truth hurts. I realized that his words were so painful because there was some truth to them. I had changed. From being the tough woman who kept her distance emotionally, now I was showering him with affection and attention. Maybe the leap from one to the other had been a bit strange or overwhelming for him? But I couldn’t deny that I also thought he was just projecting his own lack of interest in the relationship onto me. It was convenient to blame me for changing when he wasn’t exactly acting like such a catch anymore.
He was a nasty surprise. Since he’d been so crazy about me from the start of our relationship, I assumed he would’ve been glad that I was finally showing him my real feelings and love for him, but no. He went from being so into me to totally pulling away from me. It was crazy! And yet he claimed I was the one changing. Ha! What a joke.
He loved the chase. After some time of trying to get to the bottom of his inconsistent behavior, I realized that he’d been enamored with the chase, not really me as a person. He’d just wanted to have me like I was some sort of conquest, and the more I’d resisted, the more he’d wanted to be with me. He’d wanted to date me so that he could boost his confidence and say he’d got what he wanted. Yup, it really wasn’t about me—it was about his massive ego. SMH.
I blamed myself. It was silly, but I thought I’d been to blame for playing hard to get in the early stages of dating this guy. Then I realized how ridiculous that was. He’d made it clear that he wanted me and loved me so that should’ve made him want me to reciprocate his feelings, surely? That shouldn’t have made him want to run—it should’ve made him fall harder in love with me if his feelings were true. Only a guy who wasn’t really into me from the start (and who’s a total jerk) would’ve changed his mind like that.
Thanks for the trust issues. Thanks to that guy’s deception, I ended up with huge trust issues—even more than I’d had before I met him. It became even scarier to believe a guy when he claimed to want to be with me or he said that he loved me. Still, I guess it really was his loss and I shouldn’t have allowed him to sabotage my chances of finding real love with someone who deserved my heart. It’s still a work in progress.
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