He Told Me He Liked Me Too Much To Date Me — WTF?

Of all the weird things guys have said to get out of relationships, this one takes the cake: a guy I was seeing told me we had to stop dating because he was getting serious feelings for me. At first it made no sense, but the more I got to know him, the more I started to see the REAL reasons he didn’t want to get serious with me.

  1. He was a liar. Why wouldn’t he want to date me because of strong feelings? I felt like slapping him and saying, “You’re supposed to feel a lot for a woman you date, idiot!” But hey, maybe he was lying, pretending to have feelings for me that he didn’t actually have.
  2. He was afraid to commit. Okay, so I know for a fact this guy had some commitment issues courtesy of his parents’ divorce and failed relationships in his past. But was he going to remain so commitment-phobic forever? It just seemed so lame, especially since he was nearly 30.
  3. He claimed he was scared. When I asked him for clarification about what he meant, he said he was scared of serious relationships. I always want to laugh when guys say that. It’s like they’re saying they’re scared of the bogeyman or Bigfoot. What grown man would be scared of a real relationship? Experience has also taught me that when a guy is scared to get hurt, he’ll often end up hurting me.
  4. He was willing to miss a chance. I really liked this guy and wanted a chance with him. I’d really thought we would have made a great couple, but he just didn’t feel the same thing. No matter how “scared” or confused he was, it didn’t matter. The only thing I had to remember was that he was fine with letting me go — and that shows he didn’t deserve me.
  5. He tried to make me feel bad. A part of me was angry at this guy for his lame excuse. By telling me he felt too much for me, it was like he could shift the blame onto me: I had made him feel too much so he couldn’t proceed with our relationship. But screw that. He was the coward who chose to walk away.
  6. He had issues. Another part of me wanted to make him change his mind, to see that committing to me could be wonderful. But I didn’t want to waste my time. He wasn’t going to be my little boyfriend project — I wanted a guy who’s clear about what he feels and won’t waste my time. I shouldn’t have to try to convince someone to see me as worthy.
  7. He tried to spare my feelings. Sometimes I thought maybe this guy used such a stupid excuse so that he could save me from feeling rejected. He might have thought that by blaming his feelings, we could just continue being friends. He made it clear that he wanted to stay in my life, but honestly, it’s hard to be friends when someone doesn’t have the guts to be real.
  8. He couldn’t deal with emotions. We got back in touch years after we dated, and he was in a long-term relationship. I could tell from hanging out with him that he was starting to push his GF away when things became more serious with her. It proved to me that this guy had serious issues with love and feelings, so I’m glad I dodged a bullet.
  9. He hoped he could get what he wanted. When he rejected me but then told me that he wanted to remain friends, I agreed for a while. But then I started to question his motives when he began flirting with me and acting jealous when I was interested in another guy. It made me see that he’d been hoping to keep me around when it was convenient, without committing to me. What a jerk.
  10. He proved to me that a man with issues rarely changes. I was glad that I didn’t waste too much time on this guy because he went on to experience loads of screwed-up relationships — and he was probably to blame for them. The last I heard, he was getting back together with an ex and their first attempt together had been a traumatic, stressful experience, so I guess he still hasn’t changed his ways.
  11. He changed my view of rejection. There is one thing I can thank this guy for, and that’s how he changed my view of rejection. I always used to think there was something wrong with me if guys gave me a lame excuse for not wanting to be with me, but now I see that sometimes they’re the ones with the hectic issues. I’m better off dumped by these kinds of guys instead of dumped with their baggage.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.