I’m Too Poor To Be In A Long-Distance Relationship But We’re Making It Work

My boyfriend and I are in a bicoastal long-distance relationship; I’m a full-time student and he’s unemployed, which means we never know when we’ll get to see each other next. Being broke adds an extra layer of stress to our already difficult arrangement, but here’s how we’ve managed to stay afloat under very non-ideal circumstances.

1. We do what it takes to keep intimacy alive. To keep the fire between us burning strong, so to speak, we often express our feelings and desires for one another—and yes, that includes sexting, phone sex, etc. Whenever we’re feeling horny or turned on by each other, we let our imaginations run wild and have no qualms going into some pretty graphic detail about what we’d like to do to each other and what we will be when we’re next in the same place. There’s more to intimacy than sex, of course, but this is an important part of our relationship.
2. We share the little, boring things. When my boyfriend describes or sends me photos and videos of the golden California sunsets, I’m transported to the other coast and feel like I’m right next to him enjoying the same moment. Likewise, when I tell him about a boring class I’m taking or something funny a professor said, he automatically feels like more of a part of my everyday life. Describing little moments helps fortify a feeling of togetherness and lessens the distance temporarily.
3. We reminisce about our time together all the time. Our relationship has always been long-distance. We met one summer while we were both visiting Nashville and decided to continue our cosmic bond from afar once the trip was over. He went to California and I went to New York and each time we see each other is like a fantasy vacation. We take as many photos and videos of each moment as we can so that while we’re apart, we have those memories to keep us going strong. Seeing us cuddling and smiling in photos and videos reminds me of how it feels to be together physically and why we’ve decided keep going despite how hard it is sometimes.
4. We send voice notes instead of text messages. Texts can easily be misinterpreted since it’s impossible hear the person’s tone of voice. They tend to feel impersonal and robotic, but since phone calls aren’t always possible due to our busy lives, we send voice messages when we can. Hearing his lovely voice is extremely refreshing, and I can sometimes hear him smiling as he’s speaking.
5. We set goals to see each other. With long gaps of time between being together physically, it’s easy to lose sight of why we’re working as hard as we are. Sometimes it feels aimless and without end, but once we put a date on the calendar when we plan to be together, I remain focused and motivated to work harder to make it happen. Reminding each other of our goal is like a kick in the bum to keep going.
6. We acknowledge and appreciate that we have independent lives. We’re a couple, but we both have our individual pursuits in life. He spends substantial time working towards his career goals while taking on odd jobs and I keep focused on my studies to ensure that I have a career when I graduate. Sometimes it can feel suffocating having a highly demanding, immediate environment in New York while also juggling a faraway love. When I feel particularly overwhelmed, I ask for my space. It’s not easy to ask for, but we both know it’s out of love.
7. We practice complete and total transparency. We’re two people in love who essentially can’t afford to be in a LDR. It takes a long time to save enough money to buy plane tickets. Traveling from one coast to the other is pricey and we like to have spending money for our visits. Love may be free but relationships aren’t cheap. We don’t hide from the fact that neither of us can afford to be together physically. Instead, we talk it through and think realistically about the next time we might be able to see each other.
8. We make sure we stay busy. Being a full-time student is really challenging at times, but being constantly occupied and distracted with mentally exhausting classes and big assignments certainly help to make the months my boyfriend and I are apart to feel just a bit shorter.
9. We set clear boundaries and expectations. We’ve been upfront about our expectations for the relationship since day one. We decided to be in a committed, monogamous relationship with daily communication, and we agreed we would try to see each other as often as possible, which turned out to not as often as we’d like. As long as we’re both committed 100% to making it work, this relationship will survive.
10. We know that our situation is only temporary. A year from now, I’ll have graduated with my MA and will have moved back to Nashville to start working. By then, my boyfriend hopes to have saved enough money to move to Nashville to work. A year from now, we’ll hopefully no longer be in a LDR. I’ll have a job and will be able to afford to contribute money to our relationship. It doesn’t matter to me that we can’t see each other now because I know that there’s a bright and shining light at the end of this dark tunnel.