I Took A Break From Sex & It Changed My Life

A while ago, I realized that I wasn’t finding love and I was starting to hate the dating game. I knew I had to change things up, but it wasn’t until I took a break from sex that I realized just how helpful temporary celibacy could be:

  1. I stopped confusing love with sex. I finally realized that these could be two different entities, even if I often connect them. A man isn’t guaranteed to feel the same way about sex as I do. Just because he sleeps with me doesn’t mean he loves me, or even likes me. To some men, all I’ll ever be is a warm body, and if I want more than that then I have to keep searching for a man who feels the same.
  2. I realized I could be self-sufficient. I thought I needed a man to get me off, but boy, was I wrong. In fact, I’m actually better at pleasing myself than a man is. I know my sweet spots, and in fact, when I went back to having sex, I was better in bed than ever before. I learned that I don’t need to depend on a man for satisfaction— I just need to rely on myself.
  3. I remembered that sex could have actual meaning. Meaningless sex tricked me into thinking that sex wasn’t a big deal. I was living in a world of hookup culture, and that somehow desensitized me to the reality of just how special sex could be if I let it. I stopped wanting just sex and started wanting real love because one without the other no longer interests me.
  4. I rediscovered my independence. Once I didn’t need a man for my orgasm, I realized that I didn’t really need a man at all. There was nothing I needed in my life that I couldn’t provide for myself, and I got my independence back. I remembered how to be on my own, and when I finally didn’t need a man anymore, that’s when there was finally room in my life for the right guy.
  5. I stopped lusting after my ex. When I first started my break from sex, it was hard. Just because I wasn’t having sex doesn’t mean I didn’t have the desire. In fact, since I associated the best sex of my life with love, my fantasies too often involved my ex. When I finally took a break though, I was able to break away from the hold he had on my heart and my body.
  6. I realized that I don’t need a man. I don’t need a man for my orgasm and I don’t need a man to survive. I can do everything all on my own. Knowing that empowered me. I am woman hear me roar. I was no longer afraid of ending up alone, because I finally realized that if there’s nothing I can’t do without a man, then I’ll be just fine on my own.
  7. I found myself. When I took sex out of the equation, I finally could focus on me. I wasn’t constantly going out looking for a physical or even emotional connection. I was done looking for happiness and acceptance from others. I was finally able to just love myself for who I am.
  8. I stopped associating my value with my body. When I took a break from sex, I remembered that that I had more to offer someone than just sex. In fact, I finally came to the realization that who I was is way more important than how I look and that an emotional connection was way more important that physical compatibility.
  9. I became more connected with my emotional needs. My physical needs took a back seat, and that actually turned out to be a good thing. I started to care more about emotional connections than physical ones. I realized that I was using sex to make me feel close to someone, but all along what I really wanted was love.
  10. When I finally had sex again, it actually felt special. Taking a break reminded me of how special sex can be. Sex with a loving partner is so much better than just “getting laid.” I used to think losing my virginity was the only time sex would be special, but now that it means something more, every time feels special to me.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.