A while ago, I realized that I wasn’t finding love and I was starting to hate the dating game. I knew I had to change things up, but it wasn’t until I took a break from sex that I realized just how helpful temporary celibacy could be:
- I stopped confusing love with sex. I finally realized that these could be two different entities, even if I often connect them. A man isn’t guaranteed to feel the same way about sex as I do. Just because he sleeps with me doesn’t mean he loves me, or even likes me. To some men, all I’ll ever be is a warm body, and if I want more than that then I have to keep searching for a man who feels the same.
- I realized I could be self-sufficient. I thought I needed a man to get me off, but boy, was I wrong. In fact, I’m actually better at pleasing myself than a man is. I know my sweet spots, and in fact, when I went back to having sex, I was better in bed than ever before. I learned that I don’t need to depend on a man for satisfaction— I just need to rely on myself.
- I remembered that sex could have actual meaning. Meaningless sex tricked me into thinking that sex wasn’t a big deal. I was living in a world of hookup culture, and that somehow desensitized me to the reality of just how special sex could be if I let it. I stopped wanting just sex and started wanting real love because one without the other no longer interests me.
- I rediscovered my independence. Once I didn’t need a man for my orgasm, I realized that I didn’t really need a man at all. There was nothing I needed in my life that I couldn’t provide for myself, and I got my independence back. I remembered how to be on my own, and when I finally didn’t need a man anymore, that’s when there was finally room in my life for the right guy.
- I stopped lusting after my ex. When I first started my break from sex, it was hard. Just because I wasn’t having sex doesn’t mean I didn’t have the desire. In fact, since I associated the best sex of my life with love, my fantasies too often involved my ex. When I finally took a break though, I was able to break away from the hold he had on my heart and my body.
- I realized that I don’t need a man. I don’t need a man for my orgasm and I don’t need a man to survive. I can do everything all on my own. Knowing that empowered me. I am woman hear me roar. I was no longer afraid of ending up alone, because I finally realized that if there’s nothing I can’t do without a man, then I’ll be just fine on my own.
- I found myself. When I took sex out of the equation, I finally could focus on me. I wasn’t constantly going out looking for a physical or even emotional connection. I was done looking for happiness and acceptance from others. I was finally able to just love myself for who I am.
- I stopped associating my value with my body. When I took a break from sex, I remembered that that I had more to offer someone than just sex. In fact, I finally came to the realization that who I was is way more important than how I look and that an emotional connection was way more important that physical compatibility.
- I became more connected with my emotional needs. My physical needs took a back seat, and that actually turned out to be a good thing. I started to care more about emotional connections than physical ones. I realized that I was using sex to make me feel close to someone, but all along what I really wanted was love.
- When I finally had sex again, it actually felt special. Taking a break reminded me of how special sex can be. Sex with a loving partner is so much better than just “getting laid.” I used to think losing my virginity was the only time sex would be special, but now that it means something more, every time feels special to me.
