I never imagined it would take me two whole years to get over a crush—a guy I’d never even dated! This was much more time than it took for me to get over long-term boyfriends. I learned the hard way how to move on from heartbreak—luckily I know the process now. Maybe it’ll help you too!
I stopped wallowing. For a while there, I was like a heartbroken character in a Jane Austen novel, floating around and hoping my true love would find me. Vomit. I realized this was totally messing me up and keeping me stuck so I eventually forced myself to stop feeling like a victim. You know what they say: pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice. I never got him, so what? I should’ve slapped myself awake sooner.
I forced myself to get a life. At first, I isolated myself from friends. It was really hard to want to be around people but I realized that when I eventually did start making amazing friends, I wished I’d done so months previously! They breathed new life into my life and made me forget all about what’s-his-face.
I reminded myself it could be worse. I could be struck down with a serious illness or get into a horrible accident. Surely those things were worse than not getting a guy I was crazy about. It helps to remember that because sometimes we have the habit of taking life for granted.
I went on dates. When my friend suggested that I meet her cute friend, I thought, “No, no, no!” but I knew that waiting around and feeling crap was not the way I wanted to live. So, I got dressed up and went to meet him. I realized how much fun it was to open myself up to different things and try dating again. It was empowering! I even met a great guy who made me rekindle my spark. He reminded me that the world didn’t revolve around my crush.
I cut off all contact. What was seriously holding me back was that the guy was always getting in touch with me. He wanted to chat in the early hours and he wanted to meet up with me and I always thought that maybe he was changing his mind about me. What a waste of time! Every time I hoped that things were going to change for us, I ended up taking 10 steps back. When I eventually stopped taking his calls and texts, I realized moving on was a little easier than I imagined when he was out of the picture.
I turned the cons into curiosity. My mind was full of negative thoughts but I started to challenge them a bit. When someone invited me out to dinner, instead of thinking, “It’s just going to end up disappointing me,” I’d try to face the situation with a bit of curiosity. Hell, maybe the guy was going to be really cool! By doing this, I started to see fun experiences everywhere. Why not go for them? It’s not like my crush was sitting at home on a Saturday night.
I played bad cop with myself. Yes, it’s important to treat yourself with love and kindness, but sometimes it’s also good to get real. When I was feeling crappy about being rejected, I’d tell myself something like, “Well, it happened because he doesn’t like you and he’s never going to come and declare his love. It’s got nothing to do with you, but it happened to you. It’s OK though.”
I dyed my hair purple. I’m the type of person who changes their hair after a breakup or romantic rejection. There’s just something about it that makes me feel like I’m moving on. Maybe it’s because I look different physically, so it makes me feel like I’m somehow different on the inside. Whatever the case, it works to put a spring in my step. Plus, doing something different with my appearance feels like self-love.
I did something that pulled my attention elsewhere. I’m talking chasing dreams, not watching rom-coms until I sobbed. The important thing was to focus on what was making me feel energized about the future. They say that time heals all wounds but I disagree. It’s what you do in that time. I’d done more than enough wallowing and working through my feelings. Ugh, that was so done and dusted. I wanted to focus on the future. Concentrating on my goals and dreams made me feel excited about it again.
I created new memories. One of the worst things about moving on was that reminders of this guy were everywhere: in the flower shop down the road, in the gym, and definitely whenever I went to my favorite restaurant. Ugh. This is partly what was making me want to isolate myself but I didn’t want to do that forever. I started to replace the sucky memories with new ones. When I went to the gym, I focused on the awesome gear I’d spoiled myself with. When I went to my favorite restaurant, I took my amazing BFF with me so we could create newer, better memories. It worked wonders.
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