I was afraid to hurt his feelings by dumping my ex because he was such a nice guy. It’s not that he necessarily did anything wrong, I just wasn’t feeling it and that wasn’t his fault. Unfortunately, by staying in the relationship, I just screwed myself over and it wasn’t worth it. Here’s what happened.
- I felt guilty. He was so in love with me and I was like, “Meh.” That made me feel really guilty and it caused me to stick around with him for longer than I should’ve. I mean, he was such a nice guy. No, really. He was sweet, eager to please, and he didn’t play games with me. He was open and honest about his feelings for me. Basically, he was perfect on paper. In real life, that was a different story.
- My friends loved him. I, on the other hand, just couldn’t seem to feel things for him. It was so frustrating! I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. How could I not feel things for such an amazing guy who really cared about me so much? My friends just didn’t get it, which made me feel worse. I felt like I was doing something wrong by not wanting to be his girlfriend.
- I thought he’d grow on me. Admittedly, this was something I really shouldn’t have done. I thought, “Since he’s such a nice guy and he’s my type, maybe the feelings and chemistry I’m not feeling will happen in time.” So I gave it time – a lot of time. Months went by and my feelings didn’t change. The spark and chemistry that hadn’t been there from the start of our relationship didn’t suddenly decide to announce itself.
- I wasted so much time. How terrible to stick with a guy who I hoped I could grow to love instead of just moving on and finding someone who made me feel all the things I wanted to feel with someone! I wasted months of my life that I’ll never get back. That’s not to say that the relationship was toxic or anything, but my heart just wasn’t in it.
- I should have trusted myself more. Instead of trying to please the guy and others (based on how they rated the guy) and fit in with what I thought was the right thing to do, I should have followed my heart. I didn’t, and that sucks. The fact that I didn’t have feelings for him alone should have been enough to walk away. I should have backed myself on this!
- It was like pulling off a band-aid too slowly. Instead of having a quick breakup and dealing with its aftermath, I dragged things out too much. This had the horrible effect of making the breakup even harder to deal with when I eventually plucked up the courage to end things and walk away from this guy.
- I hurt him just as much as I hurt myself. It goes without saying that staying with someone I didn’t really love wasn’t just hurting me because I was feeling so guilty, but it also hurt him. At times, he could sense that I just wasn’t really present in the relationship. A few times I was distracted because I was so unhappy. Once, he even remarked that there was just something going on with me that he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
- I wasn’t helping him at all. I thought by staying with him and trying to make things work, I’d start to feel things so we could have an amazing relationship. I thought this was protecting his heart, but it was actually breaking it because who wants to be with someone who has to be persuaded to be with them? I was going about things in the wrong way completely.
- I didn’t realize how hard he would take it. I thought that delaying a breakup was being kinder to him, but this was BS. When I eventually did tell him that I wanted to end things and he asked me how long I’d been feeling that the relationship was wrong for me, I admitted it had been months. This is what hurt him so much more than the actual breakup.
- He felt cheated. I can’t say I blame the guy really. He felt like I had been lying to him for weeks and months about wanting to be in a relationship with him, and on some level I was. Sure, we had wonderful times together during our relationship, but I just wasn’t feeling things as much as he was. I knew that, yet I wasn’t talking to him about it. That right there is a big, fat betrayal.
- Love is either there or not. I thought love could grow over time, and of course it can, but not by telling it to grow. It has to happen spontaneously and naturally. In this relationship, I was trying to jolt love into action but it wasn’t going to happen. I just didn’t feel for the guy and the sooner I accepted that, the sooner I could’ve spared us both the drama and heartache.
