Whatever happened to just breaking up with someone like a normal human being? I knew ghosting existed, but I never thought I would be a victim of it. Because of that, it took me a week to realize I was being dumped because I didn’t pay attention to the obvious signs. In fact, my ex had to eventually straight up tell me that it was over — that’s how clueless I was.
He was constantly changing plans.
More times than not, he would bail on our plans. At the last minute, he would have to take his brother to the mall or go to the dentist — uh, dentist appointments don’t just creep up on you. It should’ve been obvious that he was slowly distancing himself from me, but I didn’t see it. I always thought that if someone had something to say, they would just say it — that was my first mistake.
We didn’t communicate like we used to.
He stopped laughing at my jokes — my jokes are hilarious. He never wanted to talk on the phone, so most of our conversations were texted. It’s already hard enough to understand what someone’s saying via text when they’re actually trying to hold a conversation with you. Imagine how hard it was to know what he was thinking when he was only giving me three-word answers. Me: “Babe, are you mad at me?” Him: “Nah.” Me: “So… we’re good?” Him: “Yea.” What is that?! I thought only girls sent short messages when they were pissed off — how sexist of me.
Our mutual friends disappeared.
There’s no such thing as mutual friends — at the end of the day, they always pick a side. I thought his friends were my friends, but boy was I wrong — those mofos didn’t have my back at all! Whenever I mentioned my boyfriend’s name, they got quiet — like, noticeably quiet! I chalked it up to PMS, but now I see that I should’ve paid closer attention. Why wouldn’t they just tell me that my boyfriend was ghosting me? Oh, because they were too busy ghosting me themselves!
He was always busy.
His go-to line? “Sorry, I’m busy.” Busy doing what? Yes, he had a full-time job (like a majority of the population), but he claimed to be busy every second of the day. The dude was as an accountant, not a member of the CIA. Working isn’t a valid enough excuse for me… welcome to adulthood. If a guy keeps saying he’s too busy to see you, it’s because he doesn’t want to. Even Barack Obama has time to enjoy dinner with his wife. He isn’t too busy, he was ghosting me.
Our conversations ended abruptly.
I knew that something was a little fishy, but he didn’t say anything! Don’t think I didn’t push him, because I did. The second I asked him if something was wrong, he would say “everything’s fine, babe” and quickly end the conversation. Sorry, I’m not a psychic! If you say that everything’s fine, I’m going to believe you. The main thing this ghosting experience taught me is that I shouldn’t believe everything someone says, girl or guy. For some reason, people would rather lie than say what’s on their mind. Screw that noise!
The future was a bleak topic.
If you ask your boyfriend something about the future and he’s reluctant to respond, take that as a sign! I once asked if we should go to Cancun for spring break and he said he couldn’t plan that far into the future — spring break was in two weeks. He couldn’t plan for a vacation with me, but he could save money for months to go on a guys’ trip to Vegas. OKAY. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to plan ahead, he just didn’t want to plan ahead with me.
He never wanted to hang out in public.
The only time we would hang out was at night… in his apartment… in his bed. I’m sure you guys are thinking that I must be the most naive person in the world, what with my inability to pick up on social cues. I just thought that our relationship was going through a rough patch. He hated his job and I was still finishing up school — relationships aren’t always perfect, right? I didn’t read into the fact that he only wanted to see me when he was horny. Don’t judge me — I learned my lesson.
Texts were a rare commodity.
He would open up my Snapchats but not respond to my texts (serious eye roll). I would have to resort to double texting, and I hate double texting! Even if he did respond, his messages were short and un-meaningful. His most popular response? “Lol.” Did my pain amuse him or something? If a guy isn’t texting you back, go ahead and take that as a sign that his interest in you is diminishing, if not completely gone. And if he sends you “lol,” he’s ghosting you (or he just can’t think of anything to say… still not a good sign).
We wouldn’t see each other for days.
Your boyfriend shouldn’t be able to go days without talking to you, and he definitely shouldn’t be able to go weeks without seeing you (not including long distance relationships, of course). My boyfriend and I lived in the same city, 10 minutes away from each other, and we would go days without hanging out. It drove me crazy, but he kept saying that he was too busy – and I, like an idiot, believed him.
His social media presence vanished.
No, he didn’t unfollow me on Instagram or Snapchat — I heard that some people do that when they ghost… how dramatic! He still followed me, but he stopped commenting and liking my pictures. My “Man Crush Mondays” were almost always dedicated to him (or Shemar Moore) and he couldn’t have cared less. I took the time to find a picture, crop, filter and come up with a caption — he couldn’t even give me a pity like? You know the relationship has about run its course when they’ve stopped paying attention to your social media profiles. Isn’t being a millennial fun?
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