If He’s Torn Between You & Another Woman, Let Him Choose Her

If you’re deep into the dating scene, it’s possible that you’re seeing a couple of guys at once to test the waters. Going on one date doesn’t mean you’re “official,” so it’s in your right. It’s in his too. But if things have been going on for a while and he’s torn between you and someone else, throw that fish back in the water. Here’s why.

  1. He’ll always be wondering if he made the right choice. That’s a lot of pressure. In this circumstance, you’ll be doing him a favor by taking your name out of the running. If he realizes he should have been with you later down the road, that’s on him. He can contact you when he’s figured this stuff out and hope you’re still single.
  2. You’ll always be wondering if he made the right choice. If your self-esteem isn’t all that high, you might be wondering whether or not he’ll live to regret his choice. All of a sudden, you’re in a contest with another woman who you don’t even know. You may even be tempted to look her up online, just to see what her story is. And trust me—you don’t want to go down that road.
  3. You want someone with eyes just for you. It’s unrealistic to think you’ll land a guy with no dating or crush history before you came along, but knowing you were literally competing against someone else to land the spot of “girlfriend” seems a bit much. You deserve to be with someone who didn’t create a pro and con list to figure out how much they liked you.
  4. You’ll make things easier for the other woman. He’s making both of you wait for his big decision reveal. By telling him you’re not interested, at least you can make things easier for the other woman he likes. It seems weird, but hey, ladies need to look out for each other, even in awkward situations like this.
  5. If it was meant to work out, it would have. Have you ever stopped and thought about how every life decision has lead you to where you were? From your major in college to where you chose to get lunch last week, each decision has altered your path in some way. This is just like that. Maybe you weren’t meant to be with this guy. Maybe the right guy is someone you’ll randomly bump into tomorrow. Just let life take its course.
  6. He’s probably not too into you if he has any doubt. There are a lot of fantastic people out there, and surely this other woman has a lot of positive attributes. But he’s openly telling you that there’s nothing huge that stands out about you. In his eyes, you are equal to someone else. This wasn’t love at first sight. How long do you think this relationship will last?
  7. It makes you more desirable. In removing yourself from the running, you’re actually taking control over the situation, and that’s pretty attractive. You’re not letting this guy determine your fate. In his eyes, he’ll read that as “she knows she can do better than me,” and that’ll leave him regretting the fact that he didn’t lock you down sooner.
  8. Because you’re done with games. If you know he’s having a hard time choosing, he may turn it into a game. That’s incredibly immature and likely just a way to boost his ego. You’re looking for a partner. You simply don’t have time to “prove yourself” to this guy.
  9. You probably aren’t as into him as you want to be. Otherwise, you would have done more. It’s 2019, which means that you shouldn’t be waiting around for his phone calls. If you really liked him, you would have asked him out for a second date immediately after a successful first one or let him know you could see this being a serious pairing. When you feel true passion, there’s no room for other women to come in and complicate the situation.
  10. Because it’s weird he even told you there was someone else. If a guy is already in a relationship or has a wife, yes—it’s very important for him to disclose that. But if he’s technically single and looking to narrow down the pool of girlfriend applicants, it’s weird for him to get into detail about it. He’s only mentioning it since he wants to look like he’s highly sought after. There’s actually a big chance that there’s nobody else. Quietly call his bluff on it and walk away from this one.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.