It’s Totally Okay To Have The Exclusivity Talk ASAP

Exclusivity in a new relationship can be a scary topic to breach for a variety of reasons. However, the possibility of amazing outcomes way outweighs the possibility of bad. If you want to be with the guy you’re dating and him only, why not say so? There’s no right time, so if you’re feeling it, speak up.

  1. There are no rules. All of those dating rules that tell you what to do and when are totally made up. You don’t have to listen to anyone that tells you to wait X amount of weeks/dates to have the exclusivity talk. The only rules are the ones you create for yourself, so these can be none at all or to speak up as soon as you’re feeling ready. You’re the ruler here.
  2. Your feelings are valid. If you’re worried about having the exclusivity talk because you aren’t sure if your feelings are valid or not, they definitely are. Your feelings are always valid and okay. Don’t let your head or any external expectations tell you otherwise. Your feelings are worth exploring and listening to if it feels right.
  3. You’re worthy of exclusivity. Another big fat lie your head can tell you is that you don’t deserve to have exclusivity with someone. Your head may tell you that the person will run away if you try to talk about commitment. I have news for you, though: you’re worthy of commitment now and always. No matter what your head tries to tell you, you deserve it.
  4. Hopefully, you’ve both already talked about what you want. Ideally, you talk about what you want right in the beginning when starting to date someone. Hopefully, you’ve already discussed with the person you’re dating what you want and what you don’t want. This makes it a whole lot easier to have the exclusivity talk. In this case, it won’t be shocking to either of you since you’ve already both indicated that you’re looking for a relationship.
  5. If your partner judges you, they’re the wrong partner. It’s okay to be afraid of your partner judging you, but just know that this would say way more about them than it would about you. Any partner who judges you for being courageous enough to voice your needs is totally not the partner for you. The right partner wouldn’t judge at all. Instead, they’d be super open about having the conversation.
  6. It’s especially good if you’ve started to get physical. Getting physical with a partner starts to change how you feel. You feel more connected, so naturally, you’re going to want to talk about being exclusive. It makes a ton of sense especially if you’re the type of person who doesn’t give yourself away until you’ve bonded with someone. Either way, right before getting physical or soon after is a great time to talk about status.
  7. Exclusivity brings tons of comfort. Especially if you’ve already started to get physical and you really have a lot of emotions for someone, the idea of exclusivity can help you relax. It can be stressful when you really like someone but you haven’t talked about being exclusively committed. That talk can provide a great deal of comfort, helping you to get to know the person even better and just relax into yourself.
  8. Women care deeply about emotional commitment. It’s not to say that men don’t care about emotional commitment, but women are deeply emotional creatures. If what you want is to be in a relationship, it’s okay to care a ton about making it official. Society often tells women not to be too emotional or clingy, but it’s all BS. If you care about the person you’re dating, go ahead and ask for emotional commitment by being exclusive with one another.
  9. You can start to build some true trust. Trust is something that’s built up slowly over time. One great way to really strengthen trust is to have an honest and vulnerable talk about exclusivity. It’s quite special to have a person you’re growing to care about say “yes” to you being their only person. It’s beautiful and this kind of communication can be the start of really learning to trust each other.
  10. Having the talk can’t hurt. Having the talk of exclusivity is very scary for a lot of people. There’s a lot of fear about what-ifs. At the end of the day, though, there are only so many things that can happen. The best case scenario is that you and the person you adore become explicitly exclusive. The worst is that they act like a jerk when the topic is brought up. If they do that, this is very good information.
  11. You can find out if they aren’t your person. If the worst case scenario comes true and they act like a total jerk or they say they aren’t looking for exclusivity, you’ve just found out something very important. Then is the time that you get to walk away from someone who doesn’t share what you want. This doesn’t make them a bad person, they just aren’t your person. Don’t worry, though. Your person would jump at the thought of being exclusively yours.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at