We think it’s totally fine for going temporarily AWOL without letting us know what’s up or that it’s cool if the guy we’re dating doesn’t text us because he claims he “sucks at texting.” But why are we accepting such bad behavior? This BS needs to stop.
He says he’s really bad at texting. He might tell us this early on in our relationship, but we shouldn’t just laugh it off. Is he really so “bad at texting” that he can’t chat to us about his day or ask about ours? Or that he can’t get in touch to make date plans? Puh-lease. The guy just doesn’t want to step up and date us properly.
He disappears for a while. We might think it’s “just the way guys are” when they like doing their own thing and having their own space, but it’s not! There’s no good reason for him to go AWOL from time to time. He’s clearly not making us enough of a priority in his life, otherwise, he’d tell us where he was going and what was happening. He wouldn’t just shut us out when it’s convenient for him.
He doesn’t let us know plans until the last minute. Again, we might think it’s just the way many guys are—they like to be spontaneous. Sorry, but that’s BS. A guy who can only fit us into his schedule at the last minute isn’t making us feel like a priority at all. We’re the last-minute date, that’s what’s really happening here.
He shows up unexpectedly and expects to see us. When a guy turns up unannounced and wants to take us out on a date, we might be afraid to tell him we need to know his plans in advance because it might seem charming that he’s like this. But if we’re not into this behavior because we do need a dating heads-up, we need to be open about it from the start so he knows how to treat us. We shouldn’t put ourselves out just to accommodate him!
He isn’t a family man. Right from the beginning, he said he’s not a family kind of guy. Hmmm. Although we’ve been trained to think that men dislike the idea of commitment and family, the truth is that only applies to the wrong guys. It’s not OK if he won’t meet our parents and we’ve been dating him for a year. Next!
He doesn’t see the need to make things official. He might not actually say that he doesn’t want to make the relationship official, whether in RL or online, but he might be sneakier about things. He might just go with the flow and act casual as if he hasn’t even considered defining the relationship. Hmm. We might be tempted to go along with his chilled ways, but that’s the highway straight to a dead-end relationship. If we have to be the ones to DTR, there’s a problem—it’s him.
He gets into moods. He’s usually awesome to be around, but once in a while he gets into his crazy moods. We might think it’s normal but it’s not. Just because someone’s in a bad mood, it doesn’t mean that they have the right to get all weird or shut us out. He’s a man, not a child.
He doesn’t make us feel comfortable to talk about what’s on our mind. Maybe we don’t even confide in the guy because as we tell our friends, “He just doesn’t understand what we’re talking about.” The truth? That’s a nice way of saying he just doesn’t GAF. Like hell should we ever put up with a guy who can’t make a decent effort.
He says we don’t “get” his “humor.” He teases us, he makes jokes that really aren’t funny, and he pisses us off with his put-downs that he finds hilarious. No, the guy doesn’t have a sense of humor. He’s got a bad attitude and he’s an a**hole. He might even be the type of toxic guy who likes to “neg” his girlfriend. Ugh. We shouldn’t try to see the lightness and humor in this sort of thing. It’s not benign. Ever.
He overdoes the romance. He comes on quite strongly when it comes to romance, and at first it’s flattering. But then it starts to feel a little OTT. Is he love-bombing us or trying to manipulate us? We shouldn’t feel guilty for thinking such things because he definitely could have a hidden agenda.
He loses the romance once he gets into a serious relationship. There he was, romancing us at the beginning of the relationship. Now he’s scaling down his efforts. What’s up with that? We might say it’s just the way relationships go when people become comfortable with each other but it doesn’t have to be that way. We deserve the guy who still makes us feel like a queen, even when he’s living with us. We shouldn’t accept a guy who becomes lazier as the relationship progresses. Screw him.
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